


The Distance Between Us

by odekarnstein



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Long-Distance, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, Other, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3546233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odekarnstein/pseuds/odekarnstein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla is in need of cash as rent rises and Laura is gonna need an extra hand while she gets more popular, maybe the whole time-difference thing won't be too terrible in the end. </p><p>(long distance au basically)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thanks for the Help

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! I'm back into writing with this beast of a story. I'll try to update at least every two days, and I hope to make this a long fic and yeah, idk.  
> This chapter is gonna be a little short compared to the rest.  
> I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requests and drinks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! The beginning of this story will have a lot of time skips and such until I can really find out how I wanna let things roll out. So bear with me.  
> I plan on updating once or twice a week.  
> Anyways I hope you enjoy!  
> Also the text times are based on chapter pov, so it would be France's time in this chapter making New York six hours behind.  
> 

Carmilla logged onto her computer, she really didn’t feel like working at home too. But she needed an extra income now. Rent was a couple days past due and Laf wouldn’t get paid till the next week and Carmilla got paid soon, so that should keep them in the small flat until they were able to pay full. With all of that money going to rent, she was going to have to do computer work to pay for other things. She scrolled through the long list of emails, ranging from extreme graphic request to simple photoshopping. There were a few that could pay for the basic necessities besides rent. They would only give the full price when the product was completed. She responded to the more expensive request or bundles; requesting at least half of the payment before beginning the job, also adding they would be completed quickly. Hoping it would push the payment to be given quickly.  
She scrolled through a couple more, hoping that she’ll convince herself to get to them sooner or later. A familiar name caught Carmilla’s eye.

_**Laura2theletter@gmail.com:** _

_Okay so um, hi! Idk if you know me or not but I’m a smaller youtuber (I guess)and need your help. I recently bought a new editing program and have no idea how to use it or have the time to learn too (Yay new promotion!![sorta]) Do you think you can edit for me? I could send you the link to my program unless you already have one. I do two videos a week and a couple vlogs (which I can edit if needed) so maybe $20-$30 per video? Whatever suits you, I’m also in need of new theme for Tumblr and I need some new graphics, possibly an opening and closing theme for the videos too. (Like some cool animation of my graphic and for the credits a subscribe here and previous video kinda stuff)_

  
_Thanks For the Help,_

  
_Laura Hollis_

Camilla stared at the email for a second; she knew who Laura was, or at least had an idea of her. She’s seen a couple things about her on tumblr (you can never really get away from fandoms)With a little bit of hidden advertisement, she could probably get better paying customers and if she charged $20 per video, $40 for the intros and outros, and the tumblr theme had a set price of $50. She could pay the other half of her part of rent by the end of the week.  
She quickly responded,

**_Heycarmilla@gmail.com:_ **

_Yeah, this could work out. Um, let me give you my number so (I don’t really check email) and me can call or text to discuss. I was thinking about $130 this week since I’m kinda brushing it on rent. Just text me at 361-1689 and I’ll starting doing whatever as soon as you need me too._

  
_Cheers,_

  
_Carmilla Karnstein_

Carmilla checked the time and cursed herself. Sure, she hated dealing with people and she should really get a better paying job but she enjoyed her current one so much, Carmilla couldn’t give it up. She worked at the local guitar shop; fixing, selling, playing, and sometimes teaching. It was another home surrounded by guitars. Also, it was one of the only jobs where she could get away with most of the things she does. She hurried out the door, leaving Lafontaine a note, asking them to feed the cat and other simple chores they could manage without turning it into a science experiment. Carmilla grabbed a flannel and ran to work, calmly walking through the door, putting on her usual dis-affectionate act. Danny looked up from the computer at the clerk stand and pointed at the overhead clock.  
“A little late, are we?” She quirked.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and gave her a punk rock sign. She headed into the back and clocked in, checking what station she would be working, fixing guitars; which meant a day of idiots who didn’t know how to tune a guitar, much less play it. Most of them were really good guitars too. Taking her place in the back of the shop, she pulled out her phone. A couple moments after playing games and scrolling through social media, an unknown number messaged her.

_**442-5578 (11:41 PM):** Hiya! It’s Laura!_

_**Carmilla (11:43 PM):** Hey, isn’t a bit early for you?_

_**Laura (11:46 AM):** 5 Am? This is sleeping in._

_**Carmilla (11:50 AM):** Oh my god, how do you even survive?_

_**Laura (11:51 AM):** A diet of cookies, snack cakes, cocoa, tea, and grape soda_

_**Carmilla (11:53 AM):** Are you even alive???_

_**Laura (11:56 AM):** Idrk_

_**Carmilla (11:57 AM):** Shit, sorry to cut this short before getting real stuff done. someone just walked in. If you wanna go ahead and give me the details for your Tumblr theme that would be gr8. Ttyl_

As Carmilla found appropriate strings for the latest dimwit, her phone went off at least five times and she really realized was she was getting into.

* * *

  
Carmilla worked on Laura’s request before and after work. Laura, being the generous soul she is, had gone ahead and paid her for the graphics and intro. Lafontaine did with the ‘Hollis Project’, mainly just correcting placement of code, adding a more Laura feel to the blog, and they allowed Carmilla to use their “better and more expensive” drawing pad for the graphics. Laura had a request of originality, something simple but unique, and a lot of yellow and pink. Laura would bug her with changes and constant questions on updates. Every so often, she would show Laura her progress with the theme. Other than that, they rarely actually had conversation, or she wouldn’t become involved as Laura.  
Carmilla felt like she knew a enough about Laura, enough to call her an acquaintance. Laura was a quirky, nerdy, pretty, and intelligent, twenty-two year old. She was very short, (just a couple inches shorter than Carmilla) but she made it up in her personality. She was sweet and caring, but stubborn and sassy. She was a pretty big time freelance journalist, almost having an indie style to how she reports and writes.

And that’s what Carmilla could tell from the youtube videos alone.

The reason Laura really got on Carmilla’s nerves was that they were total opposites. Laura was talkative ans oblivious and never really stayed out of her journalist game. She asked prying questions constantly. Carmilla didn’t think it was her trying to be annoying, but it did get to her. Carm was constantly cutting conversations short so she didn’t snap at Laura.

“Hey, Carmilla?” A voice came from behind her, Carmilla continued to type away.

“Yes, Lafontaine?”

They twisted their hands together, “So you know how I said I was getting paid late?”

Carmilla felt a weight drop in her stomach, “Yeah, just, please don’t tell me…”

“They were actually holding off pay because they decided to promote me.”

Carmilla was proud of her friend and glad to see them smiling that goofy smile of theirs, but she still only smirked slightly, “Nice job, buttercup.”

Lafontaine began speaking in an excited tone, “Yeah, Thanks. I’m head of the biology lab now, the old guy retired. I finally got a pay raise and a bonus. I’d figure I’d get you that new editing software and go out for a couple drinks for your big twenty-four.”

Carmilla tensed up slightly, “It's not that important, nerd.”

“C’mon Carm. We never do anything anymore.”

“You know there’s a reason behind that,” She sighed.

Lafontaine sat next to her, “It happened three years ago, c’mon, you know she wouldn’t wanna see you like this.”

Carmilla glared, “We don’t know that.”

They looked at her seriously, “Who would wanna see the person they love in a daily routine of sleeping, working, and sleeping again.”

“Yeah well if I ha-“

“Stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Whatever you say.” Carmilla leaned back, defeated.

“Look, it’s you, me, and maybe to many drinks this Friday.” Carmilla glared at them again and turned back to the computer,  
“Fine but no one is coming home with us.”

Lafontaine stood up, “Totally,” they held their head high for the rest of the night.

* * *

  
Friday night came quickly; Lafontaine made Carmilla put something other than her corset on. The two bickered at each other for a while before agreeing that Carmilla could wear her leather pants if Lafontaine can slick their hair back. After some more approvals and quarreling, they headed out. As they got into a cab, Laura chose to start another conversation, but this time Carmilla was actually willing to talk. No need to ruin a good mood.

_Laura (9:34 PM): Hiya :)_

_Carmilla (9:40 PM): Yello_

_Laura (9:41 PM): What’s up?_

_Carmilla (9:45 PM): Heading out for my birthday, you?_

_Laura (9:46 PM): Oh, happy birthday, and I’m on lunch break._

_Carmilla (9:48 PM): That’s interesting_

_Laura (9:50 PM): meh._

_Carmilla (9:51 PM): Oh, well I gotta go now, I text in hourly to check in ;)_

_Laura (9:52 PM): is that flirting_

_Carmilla (9:56 PM): figure it out yourself, cupcake._

Just like that, Carmilla was out of the car and into the bar. She knew she was going to regret all of what was going to happen but it didn’t mean she was going to stop herself from having fun. After an hour of drinking at the bar, Laf convinced her to dance. She wasn’t afraid to get close to girls and she wasn’t afraid to sneak off for a while either. Lafontaine noticed but all they did was give her a thumbs up or a sarcastic comment. They both turned out pretty wasted by the end of the night. No one came home with either of them, just a massive hang over saved for the next day.

* * *

  
Carmilla woke with a groan; birthdays and shots did not go well together and neither did a hangover and noise. Blue was meowing at the door and there was a loud clattering outside her room. The sun was shining way to brightly too and her headache wasn’t getting any better. There was a constant clanging outside and yelling now across the house. She pulled the blanket and a pillow over her head to try to block out her senses, when that didn’t work, she yelled “Shut the fuck up.” And it went silent. She sighed and settled back down.

Her door creaked open and Blue hissed and jumped on the bed, setting himself above Carmilla’s head.

“Go away Danielle.”

“How?”

“Blue only hisses at you.”

Carmilla could practically feel Danny’s smirk before the clanging was louder and more painful. Danny was trying to yell over the noise; complaining about how she didn’t get invited or even updates. Carmilla puled her pillow over her head again.

“She’s doing it to you too?” Laf yelled.

She nodded. Another five minutes and she finally reached the point where she was just grabbimg things around her and throwing the in the direction of the noise. It didn’t stop till Carmilla sat up and glared at Danny.

“Okay, I’m up. What do you want?”

Danny smirked, “I wanted to know why you didn’t take me with you last night.”

“They don’t let dogs into bars.” She grumbled.

Lafontaine chuckled, “I figured you’d be busy with that Betty girl.”

“It was Carm’s birthday,” Danny said, “Who needs girls?”

“Carmilla. And I do.”

Danny rolled her eyes and left the room. Laf mouthed “We’ve gotta change the locks,” before following her. Carmilla got up after trying to fall back asleep again, it was too bright and her head hurt to much to just rest now. Plus Danny and Lafontaine felt the need to have the news as loud as possible. The smell of greasy food drifted around the apartment.

Danny glanced over to Carmilla, who was looking at the back curiously, “I always with come a purpose.”

“I’m sure you do,” she snorted.

Lafontaine nearly choked on a bite of their sandwich, Carmilla gave the small girl a smug grin when she sat down. Blue ran past Danny with a hiss and jumped onto the back of Carmilla’s chair. When he laid down, his tail gently hit Carmilla I the side of the head until she gave in and gave him a piece of bread.`

“You spoil that cat way to much.” Danny sighed.

“Yeah and? At least I know how much food to give my pet.”

“Bailey is in perfect shape.”

“If ‘perfect’ is a terrier that’s ten pounds over-weight.” Laf said.

“Well at least my pet isn’t constantly in my face.”

Blue looked up, as if he knew he was being picked on. Carmilla scratched behind his ear and gave him a kiss on the nose, “It’s comforting.”

Danny rolled her eyes, “Yeah, cause it’s the only p-”

“And that’s my queue to do something with my life.”

Carmilla stood up, accidentally knocking Blue off balance, she quickly grabbed him and pulled him under her arm. He hissed at Danny as she carried him past and Laf was still trying to stifle their laughter. Danny had her head held high and had a stupid smirk. Carmilla glared at her before closing the door.

“I wish you could learn how much better Blue’s snuggles are better than Bailey’s.”

“More like Blue’s struggles.”

Carmilla stuck out her tongue and slammed the door for good measure. They started laughing loudly, the were still laughing when her (practically prehistoric) computer pulled up. She made a mental note to look up laptops when Christmas started to roll around. For now, she was stuck with a cheap desktop. The Internet browser pulled up after a few “C’mon”s and Laura’s emails were starred important on her list. She read through them; they were about changes to the theme and a couple comments about the new intro. Carmilla was ready to just give up on the theme. Nothing was ever good enough for Laura. The videos where easier because all it required was a couple cuts and some visual effects and she could email them to her. But Laura needed every single detail to be perfect for her blog. The buttons needed to be more circular, or the photo areas weren’t large enough. Most of the time, Carm let Laf deal with it. They realized that coding had never been Carmilla’s best skill about a week into the project. Most of the stuff they did have to do was smaller details; and at the moment, she wasn’t in the mood to deal with their mocking.

Carmilla pulled up the last couple videos she had been working on. It was really the only thing she could handle.

* * *

 

Guitar was an outlet for Carmilla. Throughout the detailed process of coding, she would play roughly when she got too frustrated. Angry songs about teenagers in love, usually. She never went a day without picking up the guitar; and today was the day where she was picking it up every hour or so.

Laura was really getting on her nerves now. She kept pushing about the theme, how it looks and how far until it’s done. Doesn’t she realize that Carmilla might have a life outside of working with computers? She pushed her keyboard off the desk when she kept messing up on lines of code, nearly tearing the cord. She was almost glad that Laura lived so far away, she couldn’t imagine living in driving or walking distance with her. She was almost needy and acted like she knew all about life. Which was another thing getting on Carmilla’s nerves.

Laura kept texting Carmilla the day before. Asking personal questions about relationships and family. She finally snapped. Calling Laura naive and provincial, telling her she never really experienced the world. She snapped right back, telling Carmilla that’s all she’s heard and never will live her dreams; that she fought through most of everything instead of just giving up and becoming miserable and alone. Carmilla almost broke the string of her electric after the argument. Laura was something different.

Laura was something that got on Carmilla’s every last nerve and knew it. She pushed her boundaries and as time went on, broke them. Carmilla would push her to the side if she could, but now there was no way of it. The girl had pushed her to the point where she had to prove that she wasn’t miserable or alone and that included befriending and talking to the “cute girl” Laura Hollis. Lafontaine laughed at her rant at dinner. Saying that it was only a plan Carmilla could come up with. Befriending the enemy to prove them.

“Carmilla,” Lafontaine knocked on the door loudly, “Can you at least play the acoustic? Some of us can’t stay up all night because someone is angry.”

“I’m not angry,”

“You’ve been playing American Idiot for the last ten minutes.”

Carmilla set the guitar down and opened the door. Lafontaine looked like they just had woken up.

“Sorry, I’m frustrated.”

They nodded, “I can tell.”

“I hate girls like her,” She asked.

“I know.”

“Why do I do this to myself?”

“I don’t know that.”

Carmilla laughed, “Go back to bed, science. I’ll keep it down.”

“Good. You’re being a loud creature of the night.”

She shrugged, “You used to be one too.”

Lafontaine rolled their eyes, “Yeah, but I grew up, Ms. Mircalla.”

* * *

 

Laura was constantly working. She rarely took a day off, only when Perry made her or on holidays where most of the company would take off. Her whole family was like this; they made sure their schedule was packed. With work, school, lessons, tutoring, mentoring. Whatever they could work on. Laura picked up on vlogging in college, after a broadcasting assignment. She never figured that when her plan spiraled out of control that she would get even more views.

So when she picked up for one of Kircsh’s journalist, she didn’t realize how out-of-hand her YouTube had gotten. That’s when Carmilla came in.

When she first met talked to Carmilla, she thought she was no different than any other young adult doing graphics in their free time. It was nice, they were patient with each other and her videos and blog improved almost instantly. Now that Laura started to notice the glitches and things that she asked for and were missing; Carmilla got moody. In the beginning of asking her to ix it, she just thought she was busy didn’t have that much time. Once Laura found Carmilla’s tumblr, she realized Carmilla was just broody and cared less. Unless she was getting money.

Now, they were arguing over what should happen. Laura couldn’t just let her go, she didn’t have the time to deal with editing anymore and videos were a stress reliever now. She wasn’t big enough to just go live off YouTube and she didn’t want to. Being a journalist had been her dream forever. She wasn’t going to make it this far to quit for some channel that was full of ifs and maybes. Especially now that the kids who made fun of her ambitions in college worked for her now. Three years of working from home and on scene for a small company, only going into the building for bigger meetings and when she has to gather a group of people to help her with an event. She loves seeing their faces when they were told she would be leading them.

She also loved seeing how people were surprised when they found out that Kirsch was running his own broadcasting business or that Perry was head nurse of the school district and working on a teaching degree. There was just a satisfying pride when her and her friends finally got to talk about there goals.

With YouTube now, she was more than just some journalist, but she was Laura Hollis. People other than interns looked up to. She help teenage girls with stupid videos and skits with her friends. She got to do everything she wanted and more.

“Hey, L?” Perry asked.

Laura looked up from the half-written report, “Yeah?”

“Kirsch is here. He wants to know if you want to go to dinner.”

“Doesn’t he know that we both have working phones?”

He shouted from the doorway, “A gentlemen doesn’t just text ‘hey, u wanna go to din?’. So c’mon lil’ hottie, S.J. and Will are waiting on us.”

Laura glanced at Perry, “Wanna go?”

“I’ll pass tonight. Studying over trivia I guess.”

Laura rolled her eyes and stood up, “Lame, Per. I’ll bring you back something.”

“Let’s not make it a girl.”

Laura laughed and pulled the jacket off the back of her chair and grabbed her camera and phone.

When she met Kirsch at the front door she asked, “You don’t mind if I film, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come bug me or whatever](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


	2. You Love It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A phone call, idea, and job.

Carmilla worked the past two nights straight on the theme, she kept napping at lunch at work instead of eating. She was close to having everything done for Laura’s theme. Except for the fact that Laura kept sending new lists of add-on’s that she practically begged for. It was getting out of hand now and if she did it one more time; Carmilla was definitely asking for more money. Especially if she had to live off coffees and Monsters because Laura needed the updates _“ASAP!!!”_

  
If Carmilla knew she was going to be this high patience and tedious, she wouldn’t have messaged back when Laura first asked for Carmilla’s help.

* * *

  
Laura was editing her most recent interview. It was with a CEO at a company that was known for it’s scandals. She was trying not to laugh at all the bullcrap she got from him about how we aren’t going bankrupt and our employees are treated fairly and paid equally. She was sighing loudly over her paragraphs over pay differences between men and women when she got Carmilla's email. She figured it was just another update she had requested or a new video (which Laura has a alarming amount of free time to make now that she wasn’t editing). Perry had been studying for an exam on her bed when Laura let out a squeal that could've been heard through her whole building.

  
"Are you okay?" Perry worried.

  
Laura bounced in her chair excitedly, "Carmilla finished the code!"

  
"What?"  
"My blog! She finished it! Well, until I need something else."

  
Perry stood from the bed and peered over Laura's shoulder, "It's very...you."

  
The screen in front of them showed a monochromatic scale of yellow. A bar in the middle the neutral yellow, there were tabs that listed Laura's business stuff and YouTube channel. When you clicked on when the page would fold apart, showing the information. There were a couple other widgets too. A lot of it she had to ask for over and over again. There was also the new graphic in the right corner. It was a giraffe (Where she got the idea, no one knows) in front of a notebook and camera, it was all carntoonish and cute.

  
"It took her two months." Laura said, beginning to fix the bio in the main bar.

  
Perry nodded, "Laura, have you eaten anything today?"

  
"No, mom."

  
"You know you can get a low blood sugar or some vitamin deficiency." The woman lectured.

  
Laura put in her biggest smile, "Why don't you get us some Waffle House?"

  
Perry glared, looking like she was going to lecture Laura about something else but left the room. Laura proceeded to spin around in her chair while doing a happy dance. Her phone buzzed, making her jump out of the little celebration.

* * *

  
Carmilla wasn’t sure if Laura would want to keep her around anymore. She had done the big, important thing and she knew that she started to be an asshole about mid-way through it all; but it frustrated her because it wasn’t the quick, type a couple lines and get over with it sort of thing. She had to put forth more of her time than she intended and a lot more effort.

  
Lafontaine and Danny had gone out a couple times with out her. The first time, Danny claimed was payback, then she got frustrated because it wasn’t the same ‘without the girls swarming Carmilla’. And ever since her birthday, Carmilla was wanting to go out again. She forgot how well cheap beer and girls go together, and the night was worth the hangover. The coding also cut into the time when Carmilla was in the mood to play guitar or write a little. 

  
Blue also got frustrated when he got kicked out of the usual spot on the keyboard.

  
When Carmilla hit send though, it was like graduating high school again. There was freedom and no one would stop her. She hoped it wouldn’t have the same effect though, because she got reckless and lost a lot and had to change basically every aspect of her life after high school. She sent Laura a quick text, to make sure she would notice that the code was finished and emailed. For good.

  
Unless Laura wanted to pay her, of course.

* * *

  
_**Carmilla (4:43 PM):** Hope you like it, Cupcake ;)_

  
Laura blushed, even though it probably meant nothing, the winky face was going to kill her. After Carmilla’s birthday, there was a little more; of what she assumed was, flirting and maybe a little more talking. Not enough to get annoyed at how much a jerk-face Carmilla could be. It was enough to possibly consider Carmilla as a friend. Laura didn’t just want to assume, because Carmilla was a really rude person but she survived this long without cutting all ties and just hiring a certified professional.  
In the mists of her thinking, she somehow accidentally clicked the call button. She panicked and didn’t think to hit end call till Carmilla picked up.

  
"Uh, hello?"

  
"Whoa, your voice is deeper than I thought."

  
"Well hello to you too, Cupcake."

  
Laura turned red again, "I just wanted to say thanks and uh, hi."

  
"Mmhmm. Really good at that hi part."

  
"I didn’t mean to call you."

  
Carmilla laughed, "That’s a new one."

  
"You're a really annoying person." Laura joked.

  
"Yeah but you love it."

  
Perry walked in again with a to-go box, "They were out of chocolate chips so I got you extra syrup."

  
"Haven't we talked about knocking?" Laura asked, nearly falling out of the chair. Perry shrugged and walked out of the room, figuring that whoever Laura was on the phone with was a business thing.

  
"My roommate is the same way." Carmilla said, "and what's up with all the unhealthy sounding food talk?"

  
"Perr got us breakfast." Laura said trying to pop the to-go box open while holding the phone between her ear and shoulder.

  
"Wow, that breakfast sounds nutritious. I also just finished editing the last video you sent. It was cute, until you talked a little to much."

  
Laura blushed, "Wow, you almost gave me a compliment. And isn't it a bit late for you?"

  
"Isn’t a little late for breakfast? And are you saying 9 PM is late? "

  
"Perry thinks so, she's a bit of a health nut."

* * *

  
When Carmilla clicked answer, she thought it was going to be a terrible idea. She didn’t know if Laura was going to yell or just chew her ear off with a thank you. She did it the first time through email with at least 2k words about how wonderful her intro was on Youtube.

  
But after listening to her, maybe talking to Laura wasn’t terrible. She wasn’t going to listen to the girl talk about the effects of journalist on society much longer though. She had no idea how they even got on the topic. She’s pretty sure she could walk away from the phone and Laura wouldn’t notice. Carmilla also didn’t wanna just want to hang up without a secure “You still have the job still.” Or something along those lines

  
She decided that a show would be the best way to shut Laura up and seem like a good person. And soon it would be late and she could claim that she was tired and was just going to bed. No arguments or rude goodbyes.

* * *

  
Laura heard typing and a noise that sounded like a purr, but more human and throaty. Then Carmilla said, "Check your email."

  
She mumbled something that came close to a okay. Laura was concerned of what it could be, because the noises Carmilla made did not sound very appropriate. Still, she refreshed her inbox. Carmilla's email was marked as important, but there was only a link in it. Not even a subject.

  
"What's this?"

  
"It's called rabbit, obviously, it lets us video chat and watch tv shows. In the last video you mentioned not watching Bob's Burgers, which happens to be my favorite show, and I had the idea I can rewatch it with you."

  
Laura looked at the clock on her screen then at the link, "Fine."

  
Carmilla made that purr sound again. It was a little too attractive for someone who’s a total ass.

  
After about four episodes, Laura decided it was time to start her real workday. Logging off rabbit and saying goodnight to the very sleepy Carmilla; she opened her latest report. Her "promotion" was working a position at her basically-brother's business until they could hire someone to replace her. Kirsch owned a local sports news radio station and practically begged Laura to take up writing the reports till they could hire. Laura knew nothing about sports. Besides the little she knew about soccer and hockey, Google was her best friend when it came to figuring out what spring training was and what teams had what players.

  
But instead of doing the heavy googling and trying to reword things to make them sound official. (S.J. would probably correct it and ‘dumb It down’ so the fans could understand), she was stuck thinking of the past couple hours. Laura had seen pictures of Carmilla on tumblr; she was one of those people who just spread like wildfire because she was just so aesthetically pleasing. She was also pretty familiar with the fact that she was sassy and borderline rude. Especially when it came to anons and stupid questions.  
Yet, who seemed to be a walking cloud of mist made of sarcasm and annoyance turned into quite the cutie when her favorite show was on. Carmilla’s chuckles were basically silent, just a slight shake in her shoulders; but her grin would get wider when Louise said one of her jokes. Laura was tempted to watch another episode when she finished her work but one, she probably wasn't gonna finish today and two, she promised Carmilla she wouldn't watch any of it without her.

  
Laura was googling some really tall dudes who dribbled a ball when Kirsch texted her.

_**Kirsch (3:37 PM):** did u finish the report yet??_

_**Laura (3:40 PM):** I haven't edited, why?_

_**Kirsch (3:44 PM):** I may have run out of things for my reporter_

_**Laura (3:45 PM):** I'll send it, it's not like SJ reads what I type anyways_

_**Kirsch (3:47 PM):** Thanks lil hottie._

_**Laura (3:50 PM):** :p_

She cringed at the unedited work and she was tempted to call Perry but decided against it.

  
Perry was busy enough now.

  
Laura met Perry for the first time when Kirsch took her to his cousin’s soccer game. One of the kids took a tumble and Laura's first instinct was to help the little girl, which got her in Perry's way of doing her job. So, they didn't exactly hit it off but it worked out in the long run. Laura got lectured afterwards, then Perry let it slide because most people weren’t willing to jump over a row people to see if a girl was okay. She called a couple months after the meeting, they had coffee a few times now, and asked her to move in. After finding out that Laura got kicked out of her old apartment. (There may have been one or two many disturbances with the smoke alarm and "loud" pop music)  
Laura took the guest room of apartment 307. It was an okay situation, roommate wise, she was disorganized, Perry was a little more than organized. Laura was willing to go out of her way to help Perry, seeing that the girl stressed herself over nothing. She pestered Laura over her diet and health and watched her activity; to the point where they would take walks when the sun was just beginning to rise if either one of them were stressed. Perry was attached to Laura and Laura didn't know where she would be without her newest and strongest best friend.

  
"Hey Laur?" Perry's voice suddenly reached her.

  
"Wha?"

  
Perry looked concerned, "I've been talking to you for a while. But do you want some help?"

  
Laura shook her head, "Go study, I'll be okay."

  
Perry nodded and closed the door slowly and Laura got back to her intense googling and typing, knowing how bad Kirsch was at telling her when he really needed a new report. She sighed and began another stock pile of information that she didn't understand.

* * *

  
Working for Danny was okay. If okay was constantly bickering on how to teach people to play guitar and “Not just sit there and laugh when they struggle.” Then there was, “God dammit, Carmilla can you throw at least one of your strings away. Just once.” It was still fun. Nice to try to see how long Carmilla could annoy Danny till she let her off. Plus, she had to be at work at three and usually left around nine. Which is a pretty large plus personally when she usually sleeps all day, and then stays up all night to get things done. Lafontaine talked about how unhealthy it was.

  
_“Technically I am getting enough sleep.”_

  
_“Yeah, but what happens if you have to get a professional job?”_

  
Carmilla usually just shrugged.

  
She missed being young. Not that she wasn’t young now, but she missed the young you only got for those few years. Where there were careless feelings and reckless love, bumming money off friends and living off a bill you picked up on a early morning, just before the sun would rise; before the business men but after the stumbling drunks. Carmilla never planned on settling down; she wanted to travel the world no one saw, off a backpack, with a couple bucks. It was unrealistic. She never saw home as a place, but a feeling. When she ran to France and found herself stuck, she knew her dream wasn’t going to be as easy as she imagined. It didn’t mean it wouldn’t happed.  
Carmilla did go to college, with a degree she could never use. It was worth the experience because she never did go to college to become a professional, but she went to do something she enjoys. Learning was one of them. So all the work and things she did learned were something she wanted or really had to do.

  
Like editing videos.

  
And then working for Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [come bug me or whatever](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


	3. It's Me Fangface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla actually has and keeps a job, some deep conversations, and an average friday night  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This falls a couple weeks after the last chapter, so the end of October

Carmilla tapped her fingers lazily to the beat of the store's background music. She had been sitting at the cashier's desk for at least an hour now, waiting for Danny to get back from lunch. Only two people had come in since she left and Carmilla kicked them out because who wants human interaction on a Monday afternoon? She's almost fallen asleep three times and was tempted to just close up the shop and go lay in the back, Danny had called her early this morning and rushed her in since their boss was coming in apparently and there were suppose to be two people in the shop at all times. Which never happened, at least with Carmilla; she’s never seen her boss outside of when there was an interview or he was required to come in. That was also rare. Carmilla sighed and wondered how she got into the situation. The whole bulk of it.  
There was a reason larger than wanting to travel to why Carmilla left the US. It was probably the only reason why Danny and Lafontaine was here with her. Carmilla was one to get away from her problems. Whether it be just changing the subject or actually running away. She didn’t plan to stay in Paris; but when Laf signed the lease, there wasn’t anything she could do. The first few weeks here were what she wanted. Just sitting at parks or family-owned restaurants and being apart of someone’s world, Carmilla didn’t plan for it to become hers. Lafontaine settled with an independent group of scientists as soon as they settled in. They were okay like that. Until Danny arrived and made Carmilla do something beside brood and read. That’s how she ended up with a crappy pay.

The door's bell rang and Carmilla went into her business mode, a lazy voice and picked at her nails, "Bienvenue au magasin de musique "La Société d'été", Puis-je vous aider?"

A sandwich wrapped in tin foil came flying at her, "It's me, fangface."

She jumped off her stool to pick it up, "Wow, Amazon is being thoughtful? Is the world ending?"

Carmilla was inspecting it when Danny handed her the rest of her lunch, a bag of chips and soda, "I'm very heroic. It's just you who gets the bad end. Plus, I woke you from your nocturnal patterns, so I’d figured I’d try to do something."

"The hero act is too hot now. I'll play the punk for your story." Carmilla laughed.

Danny rolled her eyes and pushed her into the backroom. She landed on one of the beanbags and pulled out her phone, checking Tumblr. She had a couple request for images and editing, also a couple asking how she met and knew Laura. She's been getting at least two a day since the girl mentioned her at least four times and every video she makes. Editing her videos was fun, she was cute and giggled a lot and did things that Carmilla missed. From what she could tell; the cutie was up for everything but also was naïve, she was giving and opened minded too. Almost the exact opposite of Carmilla.

Which didn’t help with the arguing.

Sure, they watch tv shows together, talked about books they’ve read and how being the light of a parent’s life wasn’t really that fun. They fought like cats and dogs outside of the little world they created. Most of it was over stupid things. Like how much Carmilla broods and how her jokes are inappropriate when Laura talks about an interview. Or how Carmilla picks at how Laura is out of her mind with plans on how she’s going to change the world or how she just needs to slow down. Go out and live a little. It pulled a trigger or something because Laura would lecture her on how she could do anything. Just give her a little time and she would figure it out.

Carmilla usually claimed she had something to do at that point.

* * *

 

She was laying in bed staring at the ceiling. It was close to three in the morning and her mind was too busy for her to fall asleep. There was no reason for her to be like this; nothing stressful was going on and she felt happy. Her thoughts drifted to the past, it wasn’t that she didn’t like her past. It was the fact that it wasn’t the best, she felt like she had larger scars than others. She missed the way she used to think, the time she let herself go. She was happy now. Carmilla had to convince herself of that, because she couldn’t call herself sad. Maybe she missed the way she used to see the stars, just a flaming ball of gas that held mysteries. Now, they where something that made her feel small. For some reason, the thought made her feel safe.

After thinking too long, she figured she wasn't going to go to bed anytime soon. She checked her phone, she had a couple emails and messages that she had been ignoring all week. Work was the last thing on her mind. She decided to text Laura, figuring the girl was probably going to bed or finishing a last minute report. She complained about it sometimes.

_**Carmilla (3:36 AM):** Hey cupcake._

_**Laura (3:38 AM):** hiya_

_**Carmilla (3:41 AM):** I'm guessing it's a little late for you_

_**Laura (3:42 AM):** i usually go to bed around 9 but something is keeping me up. isn’t it super late/early for you?_

_**Carmilla (3:43 AM):** Last minute report? And, I’m practically nocturnal._

_**Laura (3:43 AM):** nope, I just can't fall asleep_

Carmilla laughed at the situation _._

_**Laura (3:44 AM):** why are you still up? At some punk fest? Or just being a vamp?_

_**Carmilla (3:44 AM):** Ha. I wish. I'm just wishing to see the stars._

_**Laura (3:46 AM):** wow… I thought I was a nerd_

_**Carmilla (3:49 AM):** They'll be there no matter what, it's comforting to me. We're always so tiny to them, our lives mean little. Cosmically. But we’re still important worldly, we still cause a change here. Most of the time, someone thinks they’re making a change everywhere. Really, everything is still in place in our universe. Everything is still moving the same and we are still so small compared to everything._

_**Laura (3:53 AM):** wow._

_**Carmilla (3:55 AM):** I started looking at them when I had a bad day in elementary school and as I got older I learned more and fell in love. It was something truly stable in my life. As stable as it can be, at least._

_**Laura (3:57 AM):** it's always nice to have something stable. I've always have had my dad and Kirsch_

_**Carmilla (3:58 AM):** I had a younger brother but the stars were always more comforting_

_**Laura (3:58 AM):** yeah_

_**Carmilla (4:00 AM):** You're probably exhausted. Go to sleep_

_**Laura (4:01 AM):** i'm okay, I like talking to you_

_**Carmilla (4:05 AM):** you complain about how I don’t listen all the time_

_**Laura (4:06 AM):** but who can stand all of /my/ rambling?_

_**Carmilla (4:10 AM):** just because I don’t listen to all of it doesn’t mean I don’t understand your meaning._

_**Laura (4:11 AM):** ha. I'm guessing you find meaning in music and poetry._

_**Carmilla (4:14 AM):** I'm the open book now?_

_**Laura (4:15 AM):** just something you give off_

_**Carmilla (4:16 AM):** Yeah, music is my life, literally._

_**Laura (4:16 AM): i** t only hits me at like three in the morning_

_**Carmilla (4:18 AM):** It just depends, I'll get chills if I find a really good song or lyric_

_**Laura (4:21 AM):** I started writing after my mom passed away, it was the only way for me to not bottle up my emotions. I have those journals still, most of them are just messy scribbles I wrote at night. When me and my dad moved to New York, I wrote then too. The change got to me in a good and bad way. And after the accident, I write everyday._

_**Carmilla (4:23 AM):** Accident?_

_**Laura (4:24 AM):** my dad was driving home from visiting a friend out of state. a drunk driver swerved into his lane. he died from head trauma, my mom died when I was 13 from some stupid lower respiratory infection._

_**Carmilla (4:24 AM):** I'm sorry, Laura._

_**Laura (4:26 AM):** it's okay, I've learned to cope._

_**Carmilla (4:30 AM):** My mom was a busy woman and I was taken care of by my sister, when she moved, I took care of my brother. People always talked about how I grew up to fast. In middle school, they called me the “real life Dallas Winston”. It’s funny because I got reckless by the end of high school. I didn’t care where I would end up._

_**Laura (4:34 AM):** yeah._

_**Carmilla (4:34 AM):** Go to bed._

_**Laura (4:36 AM)** okay._

_**Carmilla (4:37 AM)** Night, cupcake._

_**Laura (4:39 AM):** sweet dreams._

Carmilla laid in bed, staring at the ceiling again. She hadn't talked to someone like that in ages; mostly because Danny and Laf knew everything about her now. She didn’t mean to tell her all of that. She actually didn’t want to, but it felt right. Like it was meant to happen. She knew that Laura would have baggage, who didn’t? She knew there was probably more. No one worked like she did just to do it. Maybe it was proving something or maybe it was for her family. Carmilla didn’t want to work it out right now. As open as Laura seemed, there was a lot of the pieces missing.

* * *

  
Laura and Carmilla never really talked, not like they did that night. There was a strain because you both had something that the other didn’t mean to tell. Something that was held closely. It seemed a little more tense between them, Carmilla was a little more aggravated now and Laura wondered how long it would take before she broke down the “Disaffectionate and brood” act. She obviously cared for some things.

Of course, she did it on her own time. Once Laura figured that out, she just talk to her whenever Carmilla wanted to talk. Which wasn’t often, but she wasn’t as moody and irritable. Sometimes she even smiled. Laura thought that was getting somewhere. All they really did was watch t.v shows and movies. (Laura figured out that Carmilla was actually a huge Harry Potter nerd and had a Sytherin costume in her closet.)

Outside of what Carmilla told her that night, Laura still found Carmilla to be a puzzle. She wasn’t exactly a closed book; because to be as closed off as she is, something emotionally scaring had to happen. Then there was the fact that she let no one in. Laura had figured out four plausible things that she was.

One, a leader of a cult.

Two, a centuries old vampire.

Three, someone who ‘died’ and is in hiding

or

Four, a runaway.

Laura felt like she could cross out the first two. Maybe the third, but Carmilla looked too good to not be famous in some sorta way. She was about to accept that Carmilla was a mystery and no one would figure the story out. But she was Laura Hollis and had a case to work out.

* * *

  
Carmilla and Lafontaine were watching netflix when Danny randomly walked through the door, went into the kitchen to get food, and laid down in the arm chair with her legs dangling over the side.

“I thought we were changing the lock?” Lafontaine looked between the girls.

Carmilla shrugged, “She was going to get another key at some point or steal one of our extras.”

Lafontaine shook their head and focused back on the movie. They were all quiet for a while. Until Danny started to throw chips at Carmilla to get her attention, which she tried to ignore but they were starting to pile up and get crumbs in her favorite chair.

“Alright, Xena. First you walk into my house uninvited and then you still my food and just lounge on my couch. Now, you’re getting crumbs all over me. What do you want?”  
She shrugged, “Who’s this Laura girl?”

“The girls who’s paying me for doing work. Unlike you.”

“It isn’t my fault the big boss hasn’t given me the paychecks.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“But seriously, who’s the girl?”

“Just a friend, Danielle.”

She thought of the conversation they had a couple nights before. When she was talking to her it didn't feel like they were just friends.  It was like they were at an understanding of each other. They were more than puzzles for each other to figure out.

“I thought Karnstein didn’t have friends. Just ‘Students’” Danny started to giggle.

“I’ve got more students than you.” She said after a moment

Lafontaine started to snicker when Danny went silent, “She’s got you there, Lawrence.”

They stayed quiet until the end of the movie. Then they argued about if it was actually good or just stupid enough to find funny. Danny sided with Carmilla this time on that it was just actually stupid because all it was was a crappy hetro-romance and a couple of puns that everyone has heard. Lafontaine thought it was decent, it would be better if it was a gay couple. When it came to choosing the next movie, they argued on a Sharknado and a movie about giant spiders.

When they chose the one on giant spiders, Danny groaned, “You guys are lame.”

“Says the one who could easily leave.”

“Shut it, Laf. Whens the last time you had a girl go down on you?”

“How is that even relevant?”

Carmilla let out a breathy chuckle, “Not to long ago.”

Lafontaine turned pink and stood up, “Anyone want something to drink?”

They came back with three beers. Most Fridays were spent like this, Carmilla realized. The three of them trying to embarrass the other or cracking stupid jokes when the movie was just really crappy. Usually they would watching, talk, and argue until one of them fell asleep in their chair or Carmilla had enough of socializing and she “went to brood”. She never realized how much she did enjoy their company. They had been her closest friends for years now. They were the only ones that stuck around after all the stupid and reckless things she did.

Maybe they were all she needed because they were the only people she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Bienvenue au magasin de musique "La Société d'été", Puis-je vous aider?" Translates into "Welcome to summer society music store now , how can I help you?" for you non-French speaking people (idk I don't speak it either, I just google [also thanks to mejampo for helping])  
> Yay, I'm actually updating! And I'm using mobile so it won't have italics until I fix/get a new computer. Anyways I hope you enjoyed!  
> [follow me for updates and complaining](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


	4. On One Condition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sleeplessness and convincing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point I'm just gonna say it's early November.

Laura jumped when her alarm went off, she had been up all morning. She had been trying to fall asleep, after staying up trying to complete a project. Somehow she made it back to her bed from the messy desk. Her bed was really comfortable and warm now and her legs were exhausted from whatever she did yesterday, she could use an off day.

  
**_Laura (5:12 AM):_** _sick. Let me sleep in._

  
_**Roomie (5:12 AM):** do I need to check your temp?? Get medicine??_

  
_**Laura (5:14 AM):** just exhausted_

  
_**Roomie (5:15 AM):** I'm leaving soon, you call if you need anything._

  
_**Laura (5:16 AM):** I might come by for lunch_

  
_**Roomie (5: 17 AM):** Bring a decent meal._

  
Laura laughed and laid back in bed, scrolling through news and gossip. Her eyes started to get heavy after about an hour of scrolling. The patter of rain against her windows didn’t help her stay awake.

* * *

  
She woke up two hours later, not remembering falling asleep, to the Skype ringtone going off. She squinted, trying to tell who was calling from bed; the glare of the sun stopped her. After a couple minutes of it going on and off; Laura figured whoever it was relentless on talking to her. Carmilla's username popped up and there were at least forty messages.

  
_**Big_blk_cat:** Call me!!_

  
Laura was suspicious of why Carmilla was so eager to call her because it took her a full two seconds before appearing.

  
"Hey, Cupcake." She said with a very small smile, "I'm guessing you're taking a day from your 18-hour workday schedule."

  
"How can you tell?"

  
"I didn't get my good morning text."

  
Laura rolled her eyes, "I was up late finishing a project."

  
"Finishing a project, huh?" Carmilla wiggled her eyebrows.

  
"Says the one who 'teaches' girls to play guitar."

  
"What can I say? I'm a natural."

  
Laura nearly fell out of her chair laughing, nearly spilling a old cup of coffee on her desk when she caught herself.

  
"What's so funny?"

  
"You're so cocky, Karnstein."

  
Carmilla looked offended, "I just happen to have skills that I am proud of."

  
"Seducing the same three girls to bed?"

  
"Not the same three." She said quietly

  
Laura turned a light pink at the thought of Carmilla in bed with a girl. She never really thought about it, but after nearly a year of knowing her, she knew the daily routine. Especially on the weekends.

  
"You could entertain a few with that sass." Laura noted

  
"What are you saying, Buttercup?"

  
"You know, I do my vlogs because I'm outgoing and have an interesting life. You're beautiful and sarcastic and basically the punk side of tumblr in a person." Laura almost froze when she said beautiful, but Carmilla didn't point the comment out.

  
"Are you saying I should make a YouTube channel?"

  
Laura nodded, "I could even give you a shout-out!"

  
"Sorry to break it to you, cupcake. I'm not the type of person to let my whole social life on the Internet."

  
"Then do music stuff and stuff you've written or whatever sacrifices you vampires make on a full moon. "

  
"I'll keep my sacrifices to myself, thank you."

  
"C'moooon." Laura pouted her lip.

  
"No," Carmilla crossed her arms, "I'm to busy anyways, plus I don't have any fancy stuff or a true audience besides your perky little crowd."

  
"Pleaaaase, you've got your very large amount of tumblr followers and I could send you one of my other cameras."

"No."

  
"Pleaaaaaase."

  
"On one condition."

  
Laura beamed, "Yes?"

  
"You stop pouting. Your, what, Twenty-three?"

  
Laura nodded, "deal."

  
Carmilla smiled and was about to click off.

  
"Wait!" Laura said suddenly, "Why were you so eager to call me, it's gotta be early for you."

  
There was a tinge of pink across Carmilla's cheeks, "I was worried."

  
"What?"

  
"I have feelings too, you know?"

  
"Yeah," Laura smiled, "Thanks."

  
"What?"  
"Well not many people worry."

  
"You're welcome? I really need to go though, I haven't slept in the last day or so."

  
"Carmilla."

  
She smirked, "Goodnight, Laura."

  
And with that she clicked off, Laura leaned back in her chair. Carmilla was beginning to so a little more emotion and feelings and it was sending Laura in circles. One day she could tell some story from years ago and others it was one word replies. She really cared thought, it gave Laura a strange feeling but in a satisfying one.  
Laura figured she'd go get a start on the day, she had another four hours before she brought some decent food to Perry. There were a couple reports that needed to be completed and with winter beginning, she's going to have to prepare a Christmas surprise for her channel. She cleared a couple bottles of her desk and opened a new pack of cookies, a great way to start a work day.

* * *

  
"Hello Gentle Viewers!" Laura greeted the camera, "This isn't my usual vlog, more of an ad? psa?"

  
She stared off into space for a moment, "I'm just gonna give you some updates."

  
"First off, I am doing a Christmas special. There's a three month warning there. I have a surprise for next month..ish? It's soon is all I know. And I'm doing a live Q&A Friday! So go ahead and collect whatever questions you have and save them till then."

  
Laura pondered for a moment, "I wanna do something else, oh!"

  
She jumped up and ran out of the frame, then came back with a box almost as big as her.

  
"Mail!" She grinned, "it's been a couple months so why not."

  
She pulled a shoe-box-sized box out, it was wrapped in bright yellow paper and had drawings and a couple sentences on it.

  
" 'Thank you, Laura. I love your vlogs and you've shown me a lot and a new part of me. Jane' Aww! Thanks Jane." She said while carefully opening the wrapping paper.  
She pulled out a shirt with a TARDIS outline on it and squealed. There were a couple indie and electro-pop CDs, two drawings of her, another letter, and a postcard from Amsterdam.

  
"Thank you again, Jane!" Laura said after reading the letter.

  
She pulled out an envelope, " 'Dear Laura, I'm a childhood friend. It's amazing to see where you've gotten! I gave you a couple test cookies because it was always your favorite. Love, Alissa.' Awe, thanks Alissa!"

  
She eyed the five bags of strange flavored cookies before pulling the watermelon Oreos.

  
"Yolo, right?" She glanced at the camera, she bit into one and gave a grossed out look, "maybe not."

  
There were a couple other boxes with drawings and little goodies and a few more letters and envelopes full of more letters and artwork.  
"Alright, my gentle viewers. I am done for the day and I will see you tomorrow!" She waved and the video cut off to the outro.

* * *

  
_**Cupcake (2:34 AM):** I love the new filter._

  
_**Carmilla (2:36 AM):** it seemed more you. Anything you feel missing?_

  
_**Cupcake (2:37 AM):** it's good. Do you need to do anything else to it?_

  
_**Carmilla (2:40 AM):** nope._

  
_**Cupcake (2:42 AM):** I'm posting._

  
_**Carmilla (2:44 AM):** enjoy the rest of your night, I'm going to bed_

  
_**Cupcake(2:45 AM):** sweet dreams_

  
_**Carmilla (2:47:AM)** ditto._

* * *

  
Carmilla looked at the camera and back at Lafontaine, "What do I talk about?"

 

They shrugged, "I don't know, yourself?"

 

"And how do you do that?"

 

Laf glared but fixed the camera angle, they glanced around the room, "Why don't you just play guitar or something?"

 

Carmilla shrugged, "I didn't wanna be that person."

 

They hummed, "Well you're used to be that person so and you're all set. Just click the red button and you're ready. Just yell if you need anymore help."

 

Carmilla mocked them and waited till they left the room to get the guitar. She made sure it was tuned before starting to record. She stared at the blinking light for a moment, thinking of an intro or something. Hello guys? Hi, I'm Carmilla? Yo? Howdy? She never thought YouTube would be so difficult. It seemed simple enough, just talk to the camera as if it was another person, edit, and not look at the comment section. Maybe she was just camera shy?

_**Carmilla (6:02 PM):** help._

 

_**Cupcake (6:02 PM):** what did you do this time?_

 

_**Carmilla (6:03 PM):** nothing_

 

_**Cupcake (6:03 PM):** then why do you need help?_

 

Carmilla just hit dial, "How do you start a YouTube video?"

 

_"Are you serious?"_

 

"No I'm Carmilla. But c'mon, how?"

 

_Laura's 'yes' blared from the phone, "Okay, what are you doing?"_

 

"Playing guitar."

_"Just introduce yourself, like you would to someone new."_

 

Carmilla scoffed, "You see me as the type to strike up the conversation with someone new?"

 

_"No, but c'mon. It can't be that hard."_

 

Carmilla rolled her eyes, "I only go to clubs to get laid, not for a meet and greet. But I'll call you if I run into anymore problems."

 

_"Fine."_

 

"Fine." Carmilla mocked.

 

Laura laughed and hung up. Carmilla put the phone on silent before turning the camera back on.

 

"C'mon Karnstein, you can pick up chicks, it shouldn't be that hard." She stared at the lens, "Okay, so it might be."

 

After a couple more moments she finally figured out what to say.

 

"Hey dimwits, I'm Carmilla. The girl that gets mentioned every Laura2theLetter video. Um, so I'm just gonna play guitar and sing."

 

She grabbed the sleek, black guitar and strummed, making sure it was tuned again. She glanced around the room before deciding on a song she was comfortable with,

 

"This is Backseat Serenade by All Time Low." She stated, before focusing on the intro.

 

Her fingers moved gracefully over the strings and her voice picked up a soulful tone for the first verse,

 

_"Lazy lover, find a place for me again,"_ She smirked at the camera, _"You felt it once before, I know you did, I could see it."_

_“Whiskey princess, drink me under pull me in, you had me at come over girl, I need a friend I understand.”_

She began to strum faster, _“Backseat serenade, dizzy hurricane, oh god I’m sick of sleeping alone. You’re salty like a summer day, kiss the pain away to your radio.”_

Carmilla continued through the song; after she put her guitar down, she was breathless and she stared at the camera, clueless, again.

She smiled, “Uh, yeah, that’s it for today,”

After sitting back down she glanced at her phone, she had a couple messages from Laf ‘congratulating’ her on finally figuring out a video and Laura reminding her of YouTube guidelines. She set the guitar back in it’s corner and got around to editing the video.

* * *

 

_**Carmilla (8:43 PM):** It’s done_

_**Cupcake (8:45 PM):** what?_

_**Carmilla (8:45 PM):** The video finished uploading_

_**Cupcake (8:46 PM) :** *squeals* I’m gonna go watch it._

_**Cupcake (8:51 PM) :** YOUR VOICE_

_**Carmilla (8:53 PM):** Yes, that exists_

_**Cupcake (8:53 PM):** OH MY GOD IT’S GREAT_

_**Carmilla (8:54 PM):** Thanks cutie_

_**Cupcake (8:55 PM) :** you’ve gotta let me have some interview or let me talk about it next video._

_**Carmilla (8:55 PM) :** No._

_**Cupcake (8:56 PM) :** pleeeeaaaaaaassse_

_**Carmilla (8:57 PM):** No._

_**Cupcake (8:58 Pm) :** c’mon, Carm._

_**Carmilla (9:00 PM) :** Aren’t you supposed to be in the middle of an 18-hour workday?_

_**Cupcake (9:01 PM) :** yeah, talk to you later._

* * *

 

Laura had to re-watched the video a couple times, because of Carmilla’s voice. Carmilla could really sing. Like, she knew she had sing because of her job but her voice was better than Laura expected. It was deep, smooth and sent shivers up her spine any time it dipped deeper. She felt awkward hitting replay every time because she’s friends with Carmilla and could just ask her to sing another song, but no, she was hitting repeat every three minutes.

There was another thing that her curiosity was getting the best of her. Perhaps someone recorded her singing at one of the shows she’s talked about? Carmilla always said she had enjoyed them and that she was sure there was some on the Internet. A couple minutes later, Laura found video’s of Carmilla under the anagram of Mircalla Karnstein.

Except that she was in New York and she actually had a decent crowd. Her voice was rougher in the video but still hot, also she was wearing heavier make-up and a lot more leather. Also she could faintly recognized the drummer, whose hair was spiked and mostly ginger besides the long blond streaks. The bassist wasn’t as decked out as the others, but she had a strange chemistry with Carmilla. She was tall and was also a red head. She wore mostly black and would wink at Carmilla any time they made eye contact. It wasn’t flirting, it was almost a rivalry.

She spent a good hour watching the Local Punk-Princess Mircalla Karnstein with her red-headed band before getting back to work. She was editing an interview for an upcoming pop-culture magazine when Carmilla texts her.

_**Carm (11:15 AM):** Hey, Cutie_

_**Laura (11:21 AM)** : hi_

_**Carm (11:29 AM):** I would ask what’s up but I know you’re schedule never changes_

_**Laura (11:31 AM):** you never know, I could be in Italy for all you know_

_**Carm (11:33 AM):** Yeah, because you have so much self control to not tell me that_

_**Laura (11:34 AM):** ruuuude_

_**Carm (11:37 AM):** Please don’t._

_**Laura (11:39 AM):** what?_

_**Carm (11:41 AM):** Children’s slang._

_**Laura (11:42 AM):** it’s appropriate to be a child sometimes_

_**Carm (11:45 AM):** Just don’t get annoying about it_

_**Laura (11:47 AM):** :P_

_**Carm (11:48 AM):** What were you up to during you’re lunch break_

_**Laura (11:51 AM):** Looking up Mircalla Karnstein ;)_

_**Carm (11:57 AM):** Oh god_

_**Carm (11:58 AM):** Call me._

Carmilla picked up before the first ring,

“How did you find out about that?” She seemed a bit nervous, her voice was higher than usual

“I was curious if anyone filmed the live shows you always talked about so I searched your name on youtube but it kept bringing up your stage name so I figured I just check because of the last name and all,” Laura explained, “Also, you had a really big crowd and an actual band.”

“Yeah, Laf actually played drums What sparked you’re curiosity?” Carmilla’s voice was back at it’s normal pitch.

Laura giggled, “Oh, n-nothing.”

“You giggled and stuttered, somethings up.”

“Nope.”

“You’re using one word sentences,” she teased.

“There is an absent of one word sentences.”

Carmilla hummed, “Sure, Cupcake. You’re into my voice.”

“Am not.”

“You’re not the first girl,” Carmilla chuckled, “And I’m sure you’re not the last.”

Laura could practically hear her leaning back into her chair.

“In your dreams,” Laura muttered, “You seem to have your bassist fawning over you more than any other girl.”

“Danny? Nah, that’s all for show, always gotta add a surprise for the newbies.”

“So there was never anything between you two?” Laura asked suggestively.

Carmilla scoffed, “Besides name calling and constant bickering, no.”

“I need to get back to work.”

“Fine. If you ever wanna hear my voice, you can just call, Cupcake.”

“Oh, shut it.”

Carmilla laughed and hung up, leaving Laura to think of her offer and another article to edit for another magazine.

* * *

  
Laura was finishing dinner when Carmilla text her again,

_**Carm (7:04 PM):** Go to Winterwell Coffee tomorrow, ask about me._

_**Laura (7:09 PM):** Where’s that?_

_**Carm (7:10 PM):** I trust you have google._

_**Carm (7:12 PM):** goodnight, Cupcake._

_**Laura (7:15 PM):** Sweet dreams._

Perry cleared her throat, “Who’s texting you now?”

“Just Carmilla,” Laura blushed.

“Just Carmilla, hmm?”

Laura threw her paper towel at her, “Yeah, just Carmilla, _mom._ ”

“Mhmm, the last “Just” turned out to be a really good friend.” She said, picking the towel of her shirt and tossing it back at Laura.

“I’m serious this time, she lives on another continent.”

“Alright, but put the phone down, please.”

Laura smiled, “Okay, _mom_.”

Perry just rolled her eyes, “You’re still blushing.”

* * *

The bell above the door rang out when Laura entered the coffee shop and a man called out,

“Welcome to Winterwell, I’ll be there in a moment!”

The room gave her a homey feeling as she stepped inside. The tables were made up of random chairs, filling the center space and the wall next to the counter has a couch with a bookcase next to it, with books piled around it with a sign saying Take or give leaning next on them. There was also a make-shift stage made of stacked up pallets with ply-wood and old fabrics covering it. The wall was covered in posters of bands and announcements for singers. Laura sat down at one of the old couches, beginning to notice the smell of fresh cookies drifting out of the kitchen.

_**Laura (8:16 AM):** I really hope this is the right place._

_**Carm (8:18 AM):** Not as punk as you were expecting, huh?_

_**Laura (8:19 AM):** yeah._

She started looking through the books on the ground next to her, most of them were worn classics and first-time novelist. She opened a old copy of Shakespeare’s Sonnets and Poems, only to find C.K. written in cursive at the bottom of the title page.

A man greeted her from the cashier stand, “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Laura smiled brightly and walked over to shake his hand, “Hi, I’m here to see if I can interview you about Carmilla Karnstein?”

“The girl who went missing a few years ago?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my writing tumblr](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)  
>  Thanks for reading!


	5. Only For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare and discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible night terror tw  
> I hope you enjoy  
> (the pacing is a lil weird in this)

 

* * *

 

Laura’s eyes widened, “Um, yeah her.”

“She was a regular, on-stage and off,” He smiled sadly, “I’m Daniel, by the way.”

“Laura Hollis.”

He grinned, “I know, my girls talk about you all the time.”

“Oh, well, tell them I said hi. But back to the interview if you don’t mind.”

He nodded, Laura noticed how green his eyes were.

“How did you first meet Carmilla?”

“Yeah, she came in here a lot as a teenager, she waited a couple months before doing an open-mic, but once she did it she was hooked. She was like family honestly, as much as she put her walls up, she made sure we were okay and let us knew she was too. I offered her a job when she first came in, she was probably sixteen, so I figured that was what she was looking for, she declined. When she sang and played guitar for the first time, I knew her heart was set on music.” Daniel was looking at the wall of fliers. He looked older, he had a few wrinkles and feathered brown hair.

“Did you ever go to one of her bigger shows?” She asked, trying to find which poster he was looking at.

He laughed, “No, I had a four year old and two year old. But she would always come in a couple hours before and just sit on the stage and play guitar, the next day she would talk about it with me. Like I was the only person who listened.”

“Did she ever talk about Lafontaine or Danny?”

“I introduced them all, none of them could stand each other at first, they were all caught up in their opinions. When I finally got them to play together, they just forgot about it all. Danny and Carmilla would always bicker, even after they become friends. Laf and Carm were closer, but Carmilla had a hard shell that Danny wouldn’t take the time to figure out. She just accepted that she was like the others and couldn’t figure her out.”

He stepped from behind the counter and on the stage, “Come here, and bring a camera.”

He pointed out a few posters, they were all hand-drawn and were simple objects, such as a lamp or flip-phone, but created with intricate designs, the background popped with color. Just below it, listed a venue and time and was signed by Mircalla and the Reds.

“Carmilla would doodle these while doing whatever she did,” He pointed to a beanbag hidden behind a amp, “She always sat in that, in the center of the stage. None of the regulars questioned it, random customers would just stare while waiting on their order because she was in such weird positions when she read. I would just tell them that she was our big black cat, cause she wore black all the time.”

He pointed to the corner of the stage where there was a sticker of a cat, “My daughter put that there when they told us she was missing, she said that she couldn’t imagine the stage without our cat.”

Laura was tearing up, “Thank you. Do you mind if I write about her and this place?”

“No, not at all.”

Laura smiled, “Just one more thing, do you mind if I buy some of those cookies and a hot coco?”

“No, you can stay and write if you’d like.” He smiled brightly.

“Maybe another day, but I left all my gear at home.”

He gave her a box of cookies, “Well, you’re always welcome.”

“Thank you, again.” Laura said when he handed her the hot chocolate.

He laughed and shook his head, “You can come and ask about her anytime you’d like.”

Laura left, thinking of her father. Daniel and him were so alike, they both were so giving to ambitious little girls. She knew that he was upset about Carmilla, and was determined to make it better for him. Let him know that she was okay. That’s all Laura’s dad wanted when she grew up and went away.

 

* * *

 

Carmilla woke up at the unearthly hour of five in the morning to Laura calling her

  
"This better be good, Hollis." She said groggily

  
_Laura's breathing was heavy and her voice cracked as she spoke, "P-Perry isn't home and I-I didn't know who else to call and I just need you t-to talk."_

  
"Whoa, Cupcake," Carmilla softened her tone, "What happened?"

  
Laura sniffled, _"I-I get night terrors during the w-winter. They usually a-aren't this bad b-but I have more to l-loose this year."_

  
"It's gonna be alright, just try to focus on something and try to find something close to you."

  
Laura stayed silent.

  
"Uh-okay," Carmilla looked around her own room, she didn’t know what to do, "Are you still there, Laur?"

  
_"Yeah."_ Laura still sounded heart-broken.

  
Handling feelings were not her thing. Especially nightmares, She could barely handle them when she had them herself. Carmilla grabbed her guitar,  
"I'm gonna play something,"

  
She picked at the guitar gently, making sure her fingers carefully pressed against the frets and she began to hum the intro of the song. She really hoped the walls would be thick enough to where Lafontiane couldn’t hear this.

  
_"And I'd give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you'd feel me somehow."_ She tried to put all of her emotions in the song, she remembered how it was always comforting to hear something raw, _"you're the closest to heaven I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now."_

  
She played the first verse and played the chorus before hearing a soft snore from her phone. She sighed an put the guitar back into place and picked up the phone,

  
"Beaux rêves, mon ange." She whispered before hanging up.

 

* * *

  
"Hey, Karnstein?" Lafontaine asked, poking her.

  
Carmilla sat up groggily, "What? I'm watching tv."

  
They rolled their eyes, "No, your sleeping on the couch because you were up ‘early’. Your computer is ringing."

  
"My computer is ringing?"

  
They nodded, "Uh, yeah, Skype. I was gonna answer but it said Laura so."

  
Carmilla looked at them suspiciously before getting up, moving slowly, "Thanks, ginger nerd."

  
Carmilla's room was a mess when she entered, there we're clothes thrown everywhere and cups of water at her desk and on her nightstand. The only clean place was where her guitars were, even the floor was vacuumed. Blue lounged right in front of the windows, he was purring in his sleep. Her computer lit up again, Laura's Skype in the center of the screen. She sat down and waited for it to connect.

  
"Hey," Laura greeted

  
"Hey."

  
"About last night I-"

  
Carmilla shook her head, "We don't have to talk about it."

  
"I want too. I don't want you thinking I'm some psycho."

  
Carmilla smirked, "A little late for that."

  
"Hey!"

  
"I'm just joking, cupcake."

  
"But really, I want to explain."

  
Carmilla nodded, "Go ahead."

  
"I started having nightmares when my dad died, I just thought it was apart of the whole PTSD thing but after a while they just went on and on and I didn't really think of it because I could never remember them. Until one night, Perry woke me up and I just started crying because it was the first time I remember what happened and it doesn't happen often. So she forced me to go to the doctor and I explained what was happening," Laura smiled sadly, "He explained that it was night terrors and it was usually diagnosed in children. Perry said I was yelling about my mom and dad when she woke me up."

  
"Laura..." Carmilla whispered. Laura looked so tired and Carmilla thought she'd never she her like this and she never wanted to again.

  
"And Perry is out for the week and I had no one but you and I'm sorry, I'm just a mess sometimes."

  
"You can always call me. I don't understand but I can try." Carmilla said.

  
Laura nodded, "I'm sorry."

  
"There's no need to be, it's not your fault."

  
"You sound like some hero." Laura giggled.

  
Carmilla rolled her eyes, "Don't start expecting heroic bullsh-crap from me"

  
"Concerning ourselves now, are we?"

  
"Only for you."

* * *

  
Carmilla had been sitting on a park bench, somewhere in the middle of the countryside gazing at the stars. She soaked them in, their gentle light reminding her that there is a lot more. She doesn’t remember when she started to care about the stars so much. She just remembers when they started to give her a sense of purpose. Her phone buzzed, breaking her out of the hypnosis,

  
_**Laura (2:14 AM):** I'm gonna go to bed early_

  
_**Laura (2:16 AM):** please be careful._

  
_**Carmilla(2:20 AM):** I will._

  
_**Carmilla (2:21 AM):** goodnight, cupcake_

  
Carmilla stared at her phone for a moment. She never put it on silent now and it was quite annoying sometimes but it kept her confident that she would be there for Laura.  
Laura.

  
The girl that reminded her there was another side of the world, where sun was shining even when it was one of Carmilla’s darkest nights.

  
Laura was a bright and new sun; bursting with new energy.

  
Carmilla was an old galaxy; running off old and dying stars.

  
She didn’t like to dwell on her past. On losing her father and being raised by an older sister then raising her brother in return. Running away like her sister and mother did; except with a girl instead of a buisness. Getting into to much at sixteen and loosing Ell because they were just to young. Then trying to run as far and as long as possible instead, she was stuck in France.

  
Carmilla scoffed at herself. Such the sap, her sister would always say. As much as she denied it, she knew it was true. She saw the romance and emotion in everything but kept to herself. No one but her father listened to her stories of heartbreak as a child; and now she told no one.  
Except for Laura.

  
She didn’t tell them clearly because the girl was made for figuring out puzzles; and she’s easily finishing Carmilla’s.  
Laura was the exception because she saw a world of black and white and she was just now seeing grey. Laura knew how she felt and how she thought, Carmilla knew her inner demons and knew how she worked. They were let out the same way; Laura broadcasted every thought and feeling to the Internet. Carmilla's past and demons were plastered everywhere, but in a differnet type of writing.

  
Of course, Carmilla found a journalist. A cute journalist who was smart and could ruin Carmilla facade with one search of her last name.  
But Laura trusts her.

  
The way you trust the sun will rise and fall and the stars will shine. Carmilla's trust was the same in Laura and she didn't understand why. Laura wasn't just another journalist. She wrote about what others found not necessary but made the best of. She wrote about what was important. Even though they weren’t what the people wanted to see. She was critical on the world and made sure people saw how cruel it was. Without trying.

  
As Carmilla thought, mindlessly gazing at the stars, she watched the dark blues become darker and darker, the constellations shift and change. She watched the blue become pinks and yellows, stars grow faint and soon almost invisible.

  
A groundskeeper walked passed her giving her a look, which she returned with a glare. Technically she shouldn’t be here, not until the sun was risen fully. But the guy didn’t do anything; she has done this so many times before, why would it matter anymore?

  
After she watched the pinks and yellows fade she walked back to the car. As much as she loved the stars, she loved sunrises. Something so simple changed everytime it happened.

  
The trip home was short but Lafontaine was already up with breakfast. Carmilla slid onto the couch beside them, watching the news while they ate.

  
"How was your night?" Laf asked, already knowing where Carmilla had been.

  
Carmilla looked away from the TV, "Meh, cold."

  
"Jackets keep you from the cold."

  
She rolled her eyes, "Thanks for the scientific breakthrough."

  
Lafontaine smirked, "Always trying to teach you something."

  
They started getting ready for work after breakfast and reminded Carmilla to wear a jacket when she goes outside again. Carmilla just sprawled out on the couch with a book and nodded absentmindedly. Like it was any other day.

* * *

 

 

Perry was already in the doorway when Laura woke up in a cold sweat. She smiled weakly and sat up, letting Perry know she was awake.

“Hey, Per.”

Perry smiled at her comfortingly, “Hey, Laur.”

Perry moved to sit on the edge of the bed, Laura looked at her as she stared at the ground. Perry knew it was different this time. Laura was still panicked too, she could rarely remember the nightmares, but tonight was different. There was a heavy pit at the bottom of stomach, something was off and something was telling her to ask.

“Did I do something different?”

Perry glanced at her, “Uh, you kept saying Carmilla.”

Laura just stared at her, finally putting a name to the face, “Oh.”

“Laura?”

“Yeah?”

Perry stood up, “Call Carmilla, I think you need to know she’s okay.”

And with that she left, leaving Laura to her own devices. She stared at the phone before actually calling. There was something telling her not to do it, and another telling her that she needed to; she brushed it off, it was unlikely Carmilla would pick-up anyways. As it dialed another panic rose what if Carmilla wasn’t okay, what if she had gotten hurt? Laura sat there, jiggling her leg until she heard a rough voice making her focus on the real world.

“Hey, Cupcake.”

“H-hey Carm.”

She yawned, “You alright?”

“Yeah, I was just making sure you were alright,” Laura noticed she was speaking faster than usual.

Carmilla chuckled, “I’m always alright.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence before Laura recognized the sound of a guitar being tuned.

“Um, I sang you to sleep the last time you called, I don’t know if you remember that.”

Laura had no idea what happened last time. She just remembered waking up to Carmilla being the last call and she already knew what had happened.

“No, I don’t.”

Carmilla hummed and picked the guitar softly, _“It’s getting late and I cannot seem to find my way home tonight...”_

Carmilla’s voice was soft, almost like a whisper, but it still had a hint of roughness to it. Laura laid back down with the phone on speaker.

_“What would my head be like? If not for my shoulders or without your smile, may it never leave you…”_

Laura was lost in Carmilla’s voice again and it was putting her to bed just as a lullaby would a child.

_“C’mon, c’mon, with everything falling down around me, I’d like to believe in all the possibilities.”_

Laura fell asleep in the middle of the second verse, only faintly hearing, “Beaux rêves, mon ange.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed!  
> [boop boop](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


	6. I Hear You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late night needs and calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's some crappy sin  
> (drinking tw and mentions of death)

Carmilla had been nervous for the past week, after Laura had gone to the her coffee shop, Carmilla knew she was going to be in for some investigation. It wasn’t helping her nerves when Laura started being short, only responding to Carmilla’s texts with a few words and keeping their video chats to a minimum. She had been calling her every couple nights but never talked about it the next day. Originally, she planned on Laura just coming straight forward, to make sure the facts were true, Carmilla thought that was going to be torture, but this was much worse. She never thought about that Laura took her mind off a lot of it’s darker brooding and that she really didn’t talk to anyone outside of work and Laura. She thought she was being pathetic, Laura was just another girl but she knew she was wrong, and then again she didn’t want to admit to having deeper feelings.

Carmilla finally decided that a night out was necessary.

_**Carmilla (3:42 PM):** I say it’s time for another night out._

_**Lafrankenstein (3:50 PM):** Stressed, Karnstein?_

_**Carmilla (3:51 PM):** Maybe_

_**Lafrankenstien (3:54 PM)** : I’ll try to leave early._

_**Carmilla (3:55 PM):** I’ll be here_

A couple hours later, Lafontaine walked through the door, covered in some mystery goop and announced they were going to take a shower. After an hour of fighting each other about what they should wear and if Carmilla was allowed to bring someone home, which ended in Lafontaine’s favor, they were taking a cab to the nearest bar.

* * *

 

When the blonde sat next to Carmilla and bought her a drink. It was nothing new to her. Carmilla started to flirt, introducing herself, and already knowing how the night would end. She knew by tomorrow afternoon she could only identify the girl by vauge looks and the first letter of her name. After talking a little longer and buying Elsie a couple more drinks. Carm learns her name, that she’s lives in America, and is just visiting family that “creates more drama than a soap opera” before shes pulled away from the bar to dance.

Carmilla tested her limits on the girl before pulling her into the bathroom and was about to go down on her there until a security guard came in and kicked them out, of course. It was the first time she felt guilty for what she was doing when was in the back of a cab with Elsie basically sitting in her lap. She brushed it off and reminded herself that she had needs and priorities and this was a mixture of both. The driver winked when Carmilla threw money in his general direction. Elise tugged her towards a dumpy motel room and all she could focus on was what a perv that guy was. She was pulled up the stairs and into flat and pushed onto a springy bed.  
Oh, the situations she got herself into.

She watched the girl stumble across the room while taking off her clothes and instead of focusing on the obvious hickeys on her collarbones, she could only focus on a recognizable ringtone. There was a heavy feeling in her stomach when she started to take Elsie’s top off. She started moaning when Carmilla began to suck gently at her already bruised collar bones and nip at the top of her breast.

Carmilla started to hesitate when her phone vibrated before thinking,

_Fuck it, you won’t know her tomorrow._

Elsie started to unbutton her pants while Carmilla was convincing herself it’s just Lafontaine; she was mumbling about how good Carmilla’s ass looks in leather pants. She just moans when the blonde got on her knees and nipped at her hipbones and the sensitive skin around them. Carmilla pulled her up and kissed her roughly. She unbuttoned her pants and pushed her fingers into the girl’s heat, Elsie moaned into her neck and it sent shivers down Carmilla’s spine. The blonde arched into Carm but she keep on teasing her, letting her fingers brush gently against her cilt, making her moan even louder and grind against her hand. At some point she starts to kiss her again, swallowing her moans. She slipped her fingers inside of her, she smirked when Elsie started to whimper while Carm nipped at her jaw. She moved lower and began to kiss the top of her breasts and made the girl arch towards her. Carmilla curled her fingers and the girl let out one final whimper before falling back onto the bed.

Carmilla’s phone rang again and she decided she had enough of the brushing away her problems act.

“What the hell?” Elise is still drunk, but not enough to just let her go, “Just ignore it, hottie.”

Carmilla’s phone is glowing with two texts from Laf (One asking where she is and the other is just a winky face) and three missed phone calls from Laura.

She’s is still drunk. For some reason, she started putting back on the stupid leather pants instead of letting some girl fuck her. She wish she could just forget her name and what she looks like already. Because she knew the reason why she was putting her pants back on and why Elsie was glaring at her from the bed. She feels bad but could care less on how the girl feels when Laura has called her three times, something she’s never done.

There’s a heavy feeling in her stomach again.

Carmilla shrugged, “Sorry, buttercup, I have places to be.”

“Where? It’s three in the fucking morning.”

“You got laid, isn’t that what you wanted?”

And with that she’s out of the room and walking down the sidewalk as fast as possible. It was too late to call a cab and she’s pretty sure once she figures out where she is, she can just walk home. She’s really glad she didn’t bring her purse with her; she learned after the first time she had a fling. She kept it to her phone and wallet in a pocket, she used to bum cigarettes off of whoever would offer. She stares at her phone for a minute before hitting call on Laura’s contact. Starting to recognize the street she’s on.

It was freezing that night and maybe she should have listened to Lafontaine about a jacket, but nothing could send chill’s down her spine like Laura sobbing into the phone and yelling at her.

_“Where the hell have you been?”_

Laura’s voice was hoarse and panicked and Carmilla has never felt so guilty in her life.

“Call down cupcake, I’ve been out tonight.”

_“Really, calm down? The other day I found out my best friend just disappeared of the face of the earth with a couple of other people and she can’t even bother to at least text, probably one of the few people who care, to tell me she’s going to be out to-”_

“You know what, cutie? If I wanted a fucking mom I would’ve stayed. I don’t need you to yell at me too.”

_“Carmilla, are you drunk? Have you’ve forgotten what’s happened in the past month? Why do you think I’ve been calling you every night for the last week?”_

There was a moment of scilence before all of Carmilla’s blocked thoughts came rushing back to her.

“Oh.”

_“Yeah.”_

Carmilla sighed and rubbed her temple, “Look, cupcake, I promise I’m not going anywhere soon. And I’m sorry. But you can’t give me the silent treatment because you found out some shit about me.”

_“You really are drunk.”_

“What?”

_“You always curse more when you’re drunk.”_

“Nice investigating skills.”

_Laura hummed, “Will you promise to at least tell me if you can’t answer? I’ve been crying to Perry all night.”_

Carmilla laughed, “I will. I’m sorry, Laura.”

Whatever Laura was about to say was interrupted by a yawn. There was shuffling and Carmilla could practically feel her breathing.

_“Carmilla?”_

“Yes?”

_“Can you sing to me again?”_

“I’m in the middle of Paris and have no idea where I’m going. Maybe in a second.”

_“You, what?”_

“Calm down, I know where I am. Just give me like ten minutes. I’m walking home.”

_“But Carm…”_

“Will you tell me what Dan said about me?” She tried to change the subject. Laura thinking she was lost in Paris wasn’t going to help with the whole panic.

_“He said you were a stage-hog,” She giggled, “And that you couldn’t stand anyone at first. He misses you, Carm. He looked so sad when he was talking about you.”_

Carmilla looked up and took a deep breath, “I know. I wish I was there.”

_“I found your copy of Shakespeare’s Sonnets and Poems.”_

“I knew I left that somewhere.”

_Laura laughed, “Yeah, you annotated basically everything.”_

“What can I say, I’m a philosophy major.”

_“No way.”_

“What?”

_“Perry and I had a bet on if you went to college or not.”_

“Who won?”

_“…Perry”_

“Smooth, sundance, smooth.”

Carmilla started to run when she saw her building; it really was cold and it was starting to get to her. She was glad she did leave now because talking until Laura fell asleep under her own blankets sounded a lot better than sleeping in some strangers bed. There was a guard standing outside (who really knows because where she lived what kinda sketchy) and he shook his head when Carmilla nearly ran into him. They shared some quick words before she ran inside.

_“Whoa.”_

“Now what?”

_“Nothing..”_

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “What is it?”

_“You just sound really- uhm- nice when you speak French.”_

“Thanks? I do live in France so.”

Lafontaine was passed out on the couch when Carmilla finally entered the flat. She started to laugh when they started to talk about some experiment. She stumbled around in the dark, mentally making a list of the things she really needed to finish. Blue was basically yelling at her when she got into her room. She tried to keep her baby talk to where Laura couldn’t hear, but she’s pretty sure there was a chuckle or two. After changing and grabbing her guitar, she ran through of a list of songs to sing. Laura asked why it went quiet.

“I’m getting ready to sing you your lullaby, cupcake.”

_“Good, cause I’m exhausted.”_

Carmilla sat on the bed and sighed, trying to think of something softer for Laura, something meaningful.

**“A Drop in the Ocean, a change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up toge-”**

_“Carmilla?”_

“Yeah?”

_“I hear you.”_

Something kept her from saying something snarky, those words meant a lot more to Laura. There was something that Carmilla would have to figure out.

“I hear you too.”

“Good.”

**“It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but I’m holding you closer than most, cause you are my heaven.”**

Carmilla was halfway through the song when she heard soft snores. She yawned and laid down, not hanging up until she felt for sure that Laura was. She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep too until Laura started to complain about something in her sleep.

* * *

  
A couple weeks later, Carmilla and Laura were having their, now nightly, video chat. It was quiet though, Laura was planning her next video while listening to Carmilla play guitar. Every once in a while Carm would stop and write something in a notebook. She started to run through a couple new riffs, but tonight she felt like the strings were refusing to work with her. So, she started to play something she knew with she got too frustrated. Laura started to hum after about a minute of strumming.

“Wow, cutie, who knew you know something outside of One Direction and Taylor Swift.”

Laura glared at her, “I’m not the only one who went through a punk stage,”

“I would pay to see those pictures,” Carmilla smirked.

“At least I’m out of mine.”

“Low blow Hollis,” Carmilla picked up the strumming again, _“Are we going up or just going down? It’s a matter of time before we’re all found out, take our tears and put them on ice c-”_

Laura interrupted her, _“Cause I swear I’ll burn the city down to show you the light,”_

 _“We're the therapists pumping through your speakers,”_ Carmilla laughed, _“Delivering just what you need."_

Laura sang the next line, _“We're well read and poised, We're the best boys.”_

 _“We're the chemists who've found the formula,”_ she winked, _“to make your heart swell and burst,”_

_“No matter what they say, don't believe a word,”_

_“Cause I'll keep singing this lie if you'll keep believing it,”_

They sang the prechorus together,

_“I'll keep singing this lie”_

_“And I'll keep singing this lie”_

Singing through the chorus and then Laura burst into a fit of laughter.

“Well, cupcake, I’m surprised you even know the verse.”

Laura just sneered at the her and started to go over her notes again; Carmilla started writing in her journal again. Glancing up at Laura every once in a while and giving her a shy smirk. Laura was starting to get suspicious, it was like she had something up her sleeve, or was just embarrassed when she started to laugh and rub her face.

“Delusional, Karnstein?”

She shook her head, “Just being really- uhm, nice?”

Laura gasped dramtically, “You? Being, nice?”

“Look, it’s for you, so what can I say?”

“What are you doing?”

She shrugged, “You know a couple weeks ago when the whole, I’m technically missing thing happened? Well, when you called me a few nights later, I couldn’t choose a song so I’m making a list in my journal for when you call because I don’t wanna have to make you wait, you know?.”

“That’s considerate of you.”

“Well, at least I’m trying.” Carmilla sounded hurt.

Laura threw her hands up, “Not like that, it’s really sweet of you, Carm. I mean, how many people have friends that basically make a playlist for them because they have night terrors. I mean it’s so sweet,” She took a breath, “Sweet in a- I totally care for you- way- as a friend.”

Carmilla hummed, “As a friend.”

Laura tilted her head slightly, “Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“You look tired, you should go to bed.”

She shook her head, “I’m fine, cutie. Who else is gonna listen to your theories about how the tardis can still travel to a parallel universe?”

“It can. I mean it got there once, or more, so it can to-”

“It was an example, cupcake.”

Laura turned red, “Fine.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and started to write in her journal again, from what Laura could tell, she had a loopy cursive that tended to collided together, maybe it was just the angle. She was focused, whatever she was writing, mouthing the words and scribbling quickly. Whenever she wrote faster, Laura could hear her foot tapping. She was closed off when it came to her journal and what it was in it; she never mentioned it and she didn’t seem like a person to have a diary. But Carmilla was someone who brooded their complicated thoughts. Laura would sometimes catch her millions of miles away when she was explaining something or they would binge watch a show together.

“Earth to Laura? You there, cutie?” Carmilla was snapping her fingers in front of the camera.

“What’s the journal for?” Laura blurted, immediately trying to cover it up, “I mean, if you wanna tell me, if it’s personal and all.”

Carmilla laughed, “It’s okay, you were bound to ask at some point. It’s for my music, if I ever get back into it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Could you show me?”

“Can’t you hear it on YouTube?” She snapped.

“Sorry.”

Carmilla sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, “It’s not your fault. Just brings back memories.”

Laura figured she shouldn’t try to dig any deeper into Carmilla’s past. After seeing the way it would turn out if one of them did something stupid. Plus, she knew what she wanted to know and was satisfied, for now. She never wanted to say that she didn’t know Carmilla had a lot of baggage. Everyone does. But when she met Carmilla, it was like there was a signed taped onto her back.

“You’re gone again, Laura.”

She rarely heard her name from Carmilla, “Yeah, sorry.”

They stared at each other in silence, now Carmilla was thinking.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” She said, barely a whisper.

“What about?”

“Sometimes, it feels like I know everything about you, you’re easy to read. But you act like you try to hid your past. And maybe it’s whole defense thing. Sometimes, I feel like we are total strangers even though it feels like I’ve known your for years instead of months. I know how your mom and dad died and that you hate flying and that you had a dog named Ginger. It’s weird.”

Laura just stared at her for a moment, “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know? What got you into everything you do?”

“My mom was journalist too, it’s how she met my dad. He was a cop and was directing traffic because the town the lived in was evacuating for a flood. She walked up and asked what it was like and if it was stressful. Even though it was one of the easiest jobs you could think of. When she would tell me their story, she would always talk about how passionate he was about saving people, even if it was just making sure there wasn’t going to a traffic jam. I always thought that finding stranger’s views on things and how they perceive it made you a better person, you see the world differently.”

Carmilla smiled, “Yeah?”

“I grew up in New York, my dad was way to overprotective, ‘cause it was such a big city and all. I took Krav Maga as a kid and when I was old enough he gave me day of the week bear spray. The only reason he agreed to live in New York was because my mom was so passionate about journalism. He was so hurt when she died, sometimes you’ll look as sad as he did. It makes me want to ask who did it all to you?” Laura looked down, “When I told my dad I was going to major in journalism he just smiled and waved me off, like it meant nothing to him. It made me think I did something wrong. He never really was himself again. After that I always tried to do my best. He was still dad but it wasn’t ‘Follow your dreams and live how you want’ anymore.”

Carmilla voice was rough, “Losing someone you love can do that to you.”

“Who was she?”

“Her name was Ell,” Carmilla glanced behind her, like she had seen something, “Um, what can I say? She was my high school love gone wrong, very wrong. I met her at some party I was playing at, with Danny and Laf, she was dancing and really into it. We hit it off and ran with what we had. She was someone you could never find again. It never worked out in the end. It was messy. I just kinda stayed away after that.”

Laura smiled sadly, “You should go to bed.”

“Yeah.”

“Go.”

Carmilla clicked off and started to get ready for bed. Putting her guitar in it’s corner and making sure her phone was in arms reach. A couple minutes after settling down her phone went off.

_**Lafrankenstien (3:02 AM):** Night, Carmy._

_**Carmilla (3:03 AM):** Go back to bed, annoyance._

Carmilla laid staring at the ceiling for a while, she figured Laura would text her to say goodnight soon. Like always, there was so many little things that they did. There were always goodnight text, always checking in at lunch, and their video chats. She couldn’t think of what she would be doing now. Every once in a while, Carmilla would make another video, always calling Laura before hand because, she’s hate to admit it, she was camera shy.

_**Cupcake <3 (3:13 Am):** Sweet dreams, Carmilla._

_**Carmilla (3:15 Am):** Goodnight._

* * *

 

You’re fighting something. You can’t tell if it’s a person or some animal but you feel yourself struggling against it’s power. It’s dark and cold and you can hear Perry shouting and loud movements around you, you feel close to the edge of some pit. The thing fighting you is whispering something you don’t understand and then there’s a light. Like another sun shining just for you and everything happing around you freezes. Everything feels drawn to the light.

You feel yourself gravitating towards it, before you reach it, you’re pulled back. Carmilla is there and there are tears streaming down her face before she pulls up a sword. The light is drawn to it, like a hallow in reality. She whispers something to you, like a goodbye, it’s muffled though, like you’re haring it through a wall. Someone is holding you back when she runs into the pit and into the light.

* * *

 

Laura woke up with a gasp, _Carmilla is dead,_ repeating through her mind. Perry walked in, clearly hearing Laura, she sat on the edge of the bed. They had a sort of system now, Perry would come in and sit and wait to see if Laura had anything to say or needed something. Usually, Laura would just reach out for her hand, to remind herself that it was all just a dream and that everyone was still here. Perry would leave after a couple minutes and Laura would call Carmilla.

Laura finally calmed down and smiled slightly at the curly haired woman, she knew that Perry was thinking this was happening all to often now. Perry returned the smile and left quietly, telling Laura to call out to her if she needed anything, like always. Carmilla answered the phone on the first ring.

“Hey, cutie.” Her voice was rough, “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you need me to..?”

“Not yet, I can remember some of it,”

Carmilla hummed, letting her know to continue.

“We were in this pit and there was this light, someone or something was forcing me towards it, like a sacrifice or something. And, um, you came and pulled me away, and jumped in yourself and all I could think of when I woke up is that you were d-dead.” Laura’s voice faded into a whisper.

“I’m still here, not with you, but here.” Her voice was lower than usual, she sounded sad.

“I can still hear you.”

Laura heard Carmilla’s guitar softly playing and her humming, trying to figure out a tone. Laura let herself relax, putting her phone on speaker and on the pillow next to her.

_“For a little lie down with me, if you fall asleep, it wouldn’t be the worst thing.”_

“Did you learn Ed Sheeran?” Laura giggled.

Carmilla sighed, “Only for you.”

She picked up the strumming again, _“But when I wake up, your make-up is on my shoulder. And tell me, if I lie down, would you stay now, and let me hold you?”_

Laura closed her eyes and focused on Carmilla’s voice, not even focusing on the lyrics anymore. The way she would sing was mesmerizing itself, there was an abandonment in it, she just let herself go. Laura let herself drift back asleep while she sang through the chorus.

* * *

“Hottie Hollis!” Kirsch yelled from across the office, “What’s up?”

Laura was sitting at Will’s desk, she promised she would help him with a few interviews. She pointed at the camera she was talking to before being interrupted , “Just trying to do a little filming before going back home,”

Kirsch waved at the camera, “Hey online bros. Anyways, if you’re just gonna go back home why don’t you come bowl with me and Will? We could always use you’re ‘Amazing accuracy skills’”

“I have great bowling skills, thank you very much.”

“Yeah, using a kids ball.”

Laura glared and held out her hand, “Whoever loses tonight has to plan and pay for next months party.”

“I hope you’ve got the money, Hollis.” Kirsch smirked and shook her hand firmly. Laura winked at the camera before shutting it off.

* * *

 

_“That really shouldn’t be as hot as it is,” Carmilla groaned while editing, Laf snickered in the background, earning a glare from Carm._

* * *

 

“Okay Kirsch, keep the camera this way while filming, or everyone will get upset,” Laura said while flipping the phone sideways again and handing it back to Kirsch.

He just shook his head, “Why is it such a big deal?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask the Internet?”

He sighed and slouched in his chair. Him and Laura have been neck in neck the whole game, Will laughed when he heard about the bet and guessed Laura would win, which seemed to be the future outcome. It was the last round and Laura was ahead by five points, she was already holding her head high; happy about not having to plan the staff Christmas party, which Perry would take over, even if she didn’t celebrate it.

Laura jumping around snapped Kirsch out of his pouting, he rolled his eyes when Laura announced she made another strike and that Kirsch should go ahead and get to planning because Christmas was only a month away.

“I think Perry is wearing off on you,” Will laughed.

“That usually happens when you live with someone.” Laura said, happily beaming at her score.

She took the camera from Kirsch and waved goodbye and blowing a kiss before shutting it off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ask me stuff](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)  
>  the song they sang is sophomore slump or comeback of the year(?) by Fall Out Boy


	7. You Can't Help but Love Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> youtube videos and heartbreak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sorry i am rude

Laura was jumping around her room because she had gotten tagged in the video; it meant a lot to her. Her friend Natalie had tagged her in one of the questionnaires of sorts. It was a best friend tag and Laura’s mind was whirling with ideas.

She would've ask Perry to do it, but when Laura said that she does YouTube as a part time job and hobby; Perry practically made her sign a contract promising her that she wouldn’t put Perry’s face on the Internet unless it was private and she had permission.

Kirsch always got camera shy unless it was a vlog for some unknown reason

And, she didn’t know Will well enough to do this sorta tag with him.

All who was left was Carmilla.

She didn’t do much on YouTube. Posting a video every two weeks of her singing that would blow up on tumblr or a vlog that was mostly swearing in insults passed between Danny, Laf, and Carmilla. She has told Laura multiple times that she doesn’t do much but work, code, and play guitar and sing; besides the occasional night out or Lafontaine inviting one of their friends over there “Wasn’t much more to me.”

Well, here her chance at letting the rest of the world knowing a little more than the surface of Carmilla Karnstein.

Because there was a lot more.

* * *

 

“No, cupcake.”

Laura was starting to get frustrated, they have been video chatting for the past thirty minutes. At least three quarters of it was them arguing about Laura’s video.

“C’mon! No one else will do it with me and you’re the only person that actually talks to the camera.”

Carmilla shook her head, “I’m actually terrified of the camera. I only do it cause I like to sing.”

“You’ll be with me,” Laura looked around awkwardly, “Well of sorts.”

Carmilla ran her hand through her hair, “How will this even work? It’s not like you can have a hologram of me in your room or something.”

Laura smirked, “I alreadyhave _that_ figured out.”

* * *

 

“Hello, gentle viewers!” Laura waved, “Today I’m here doing the best friend tag with…”

She hit a couple buttons on her keyboard and Carmilla’s video stream slid midway to the screen.

Carmilla sighed and waved slightly, “Hey dimwits.”

“Carmilla! Or as you know her, Bigblkcat. Anyways she’s over in France so we may have to do this differently,” Laura explained as she scrolled through her phone.

“I swear to god, if some of your little fangirls find me because they know how to track me down from knowing my country, I’m flying over there to slap you.” Carmilla groaned.

Laura laughed, “I don’t have that big of an audience and they know my city and where I go to eat and stuff and I’ve only run into fans because of their luck.”

“That’s what you think,” She grumbled before sinking deeper into the chair.

“Okay!” Laura clapped her hands, “First question, How and when did you met?”

“We met six months and like nine days ago when she emailed me about some editing stuff, I’m still planning on how to get rid of her,” The darker haired girl answered lamely. It was surprising to Laura that she remembered the month, much less days.

“What’s your best memory of each other? Well, when we marathoned Bob’s Burgers, it was one of the few things that we enjoy and have in common,” She snickered.

Carmilla laughed, “Whenever I play and sing for Laura, she’s most of my favorite audiences in one tiny person.”

“Wow, miss brood has a laugh,”

She hummed, “Only for you,”

Laura glanced at her computer screen and beamed at Carmilla,  it was also surprising that she was getting more than two or three word answers. Carmilla wasn’t as tense as she was in most of her videos either.

“Question three, describe each other in three words.”

“Naive, tiny, and, like most of use would think, a cutie”

“A useless, lesbian, vampire.” Laura giggled.

Carmilla sneered into the camera, “Low blow, Hollis.”

They started to laugh at each other while Laura scrolled through her phone. She was trying to find the questions again because she kept hitting the home button or would scroll to the bottom of the page when she was answering a question, out of habit.

“Do you have anything in order?”

“When do I ever have anything in order?”

Carmilla nodded her head, “True, true.”

Laura gave her a look before saying the next question, “Something the other person does that annoys you? When she does something and claims it’s just for me.

“When I do something for her and she wants me to do it for everyone else.” She came back. They glared at each other, well, really making eye contact that they claimed was a glare.

“My best friend looks beautiful when…”

“Laura is beautiful all the time.” Carmilla said quickly.

Laura blushed and thanked her, “I love when Carmilla has just woken up or is up late. She looks so pretty.”

_Does your friend have any secret talents?_

“Well, Carmilla needs to keep her air of mystery, but she teaches kids,” Laura shrugged.

“Laura can sing really well,” Carmilla smiled, “Especially when it comes to Fall Out Boy.”

“We agreed not to talk about that,”

“Oh, I’ll talk about it.”

“If you do I’m going to bleep everything out.” The shorter girl threatened.

“So it was like twel-”

“Anyway! Next question,” Laura threw her hands up, “Your friend has a scar, how did they get it? Carmilla actually has a scar that runs across her back because she fell from skate boarding. Most of it is covered with this tatto-”

“Let’s not talk about my failed skateboarding career or me stripping on camera in this video.”

“I- it’s not like that.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Laura probably has scars on her knees from falling all the time.”

“I do not fall all of the time.”

“The videos I edit say differently, Cutie.”

“Last one because you’re probably exhausted, if you had to sacrifice anything in the friendship, what would it be?”

“The distance between us,” Carmilla said simply.

“Does that count as a sacrifice?”

She shrugged, “If I knew you in person I would probably have gotten annoyed before we could even get this far.”

“Thanks,” Laura sighed.

Carmilla waved, “I need to sleep, cupcake. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Well say goodbye to everyone first.”

“Bye, uh, gentle views and hey feature editing me.”

“Go away.”

Carmilla winked, “See you later, sundance.”

 Laura rolled her eyes and watched the call ended pop up on her computer screen. She sat there and stared at the camera for a moment before sighing,

“You can’t help but love her.”

* * *

 

Laura and Carmilla were going over the final video, Laura said she would edit this one because _“I want to make sure it’s appropriate, Carmilla.”_ After their usual bickering, Laura let Carmilla oversee her and make sure she wasn’t letting Laura just make a fool out of her. The video had gone pretty well, even if it was pushing two in the morning for Carmilla during the whole thing. It made Laura happy so that was a plus. They laughed while editing at first, some of the faces Laura would make were just ridiculous and Carmilla’s constant sighs and eye rolls were put into slow motion. Laura would always blush when they watched the ‘beautiful’ question.

“Did you really mean that though?”

Carmilla raised her eyebrows, “No, cupcake, none of it was true. Of course I meant it, you’re always beautiful.”

She would complain about how high she looked throughout the video. Carmilla had been set up in the living room with an old laptop because Lafontaine had to go to bed early and they could hear the girls from their room. The good thing about the living room is it did have a really good view of Paris in the background of the video.

“Maybe they’ll just stare at the background instead of your gross face.”

“I thought you ‘loved how I looked when it was really late or early’”

Laura giggled, “Maybe they won’t,”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and laid her head on her desk, “Wake me up when it finishes rendering.”

* * *

 

Laura thanked the cab driver and paid him extra when she got out of the cab. She finished filming her Christmas video before she decided to get out of the house for a little bit. Perry was out of school, but had to do whatever paperwork nurses did. Christmas was the strangest time for Laura’s feelings, she never felt sad, but like something was missing. That’s when she decided to visit her mother and father.

There was a freshly fallen layer of snow at the cemetery, giving it a strange beauty. Laura always loved snow; it reminded her of her childhood. As she walked through, there wasn’t anyone, probably because it was a middle of a work day for most people. There were a couple of flowers that stuck out of the snow and burned out candles left behind.  There was a lump in her throat when she saw the familiar names on a gravestone.

_In loving memory of James and Mary Hollis…_

_“In death may I find you again, for I am not content without you.”_

Laura smiled slightly at the quote, she made sure to get something for the both of them instead of just two separate gravestones. It felt wrong to her, they were always so close and genuine to be separated.

“Hey mom, hey dad,” She whispered, “It’s Laura, I’m sure you know. It’s almost Christmas and it feels weird without you guys. I’m good though. I have Kirsch, Perry and Will. I even have Carmilla now, which shes amazing, and beautiful, and a little to much at times.”

Laura laughed, “She’s still amazing overall though. Perry is good, stressed with school. Kirsch is good just busy. I feel a little outside of it all, like I’m not doing much. I just wanted to say, before Christmas, that I love you two, and miss you.”

Laura vision was blurry, she never did this; it was always too sad for her. More winter storm clouds hovered, making it seem darker when she walked out of the cemetery. She called for a cab and texted Carmilla, she really needed someone to talk to after this.

_**Laura (6:14 PM):** hey_

_**Carm (6:15 PM)** : Hey_

_**Laura (6:17 PM):** you know how I said I was going to visit my parents today?_

_**Carm (6:17 PM):** Yep._

_**Laura (6:18 PM):** I can’t help but think of what we did when it was christmas_

_**Carm (6:20 PM):** Tell me._

Laura smiled and waited till the cab pulled up to actually type anything. She really didn’t want to end up crying on the side of the road.

_**Laura (6:24 PM):** My dad would always wake up before me and stay excited as me through out the day. He was always so happy to see everyone happy, it was the reason it was his favorite holiday. My mom would make her ‘famous pancakes’ and I would always make her something as a present. I never got much, but I remember always having what I really wanted. I got my first camera at seven and a bike at ten. I was always happy just to be with family._

_**Carm (6:31 PM):** That’s sweet._

_**Laura (6:34 PM):** What about you?_

_**Carm (6:36 PM):** We never really celebrated, it was always just me and my sister. We got what we wanted but Maman would always be busy with the company._

_**Laura (6:37 PM):** I should show you what a real Christmas is like._

_**Carm (6:41 PM):** Maybe this Christmas._

* * *

 

Laura decided that she would check her tumblr tag for fan art, text post, gif sets, and whatever her fans would want her to look at for her Christmas. There were the usual drawings of her and a couple text post talking about how much someone loved her or how much she helped them. Lately there would be drawings of Carmilla in the tag because “I don’t need to see how much my fans love me, I already know.” But Carmilla cried when Laura sent her her first piece of fan art. As she scrolled farther, there were gif sets of the best friend video.

_**Laura (4:26 PM):** Carm, check my tag on tumblr_

_**Carm (4:30 Pm):** I see your face enough, cupcake._

_**Laura (4:31 PM):** this is important!!_

_**Carm (4:32 PM):** Fine, if Xena yells at me, I’m blaming it on you._

_**Carm (4:40 PM):** What the frilly hell is this??_

_**Laura (4:42 PM):** apparently we’re Hollstein._

There was more than a gif set, there was fan art and even a fanfic now. They had been a thing for a while now, or since Laura wouldn’t stop talking about Carmilla in her vlogs. And Laura was completely oblivious to what happened with her fans and didn’t bother to check her messages on tumblr, because most of them went along the lines of Oh my god!!! You and Carmilla are <3 <3 <3

_**Carm (4:45 PM):** Cupcake, your fans are insane. I like their ideas._

Laura’s heart fluttered and she just kinda sat there and read the text a couple times.

_**Laura (4:47 PM):** yeah, they’re pretty creative, huh?_

_**Carmilla (4:50 PM):** I’d never thought I’d live to see the day that someone wrote a Carmilla and her girlfriend fanfiction_

_**Laura (4:54 PM):** oh my god._

* * *

 

Laura’s room was decked out in lights, decorations, and there was a stack of packages with papers on top of them next to her. She smiled brightly at the camera before saying her usual greeting.

“Merry Christmas, gentle viewers! I come bearing your presents and a surprise for you,” She picked up one of the packages and smiled, “I only chose the ones that looked Christmas-y.”

The first package had a poster, a postcard, and a letter from a fan named Abigale. The second was from a girl named Katie who gave Laura a new book mug and a TARDIS beanie. The third was wrapped in snowmen themed wrapping paper and had a camera bag and another letter. The last package had elves all over it and on the side,

**To: Cutie.**

It was written in bold cursive.

“What the _what_?” Laura glanced at the camera, “Give me a second.”

She made sure to turn on her screen recording software before calling Carmilla.

“What’s up, Cupcake?” Carmilla asked while she was walking away from the camera. She started to change and looked back at Laura, who was blushing.

Laura held up the package, “W-what’s this?”

“It’s called a present,” Carmilla hummed, “You’re suppose to open it as a surprise.”

She looked back at the package, “But I didn’t get you anything.”

“You pay me,” She said while pulling her hair back, “That’s enough of a surprise for me.”

Laura glared at the screen and started to tear the wrapping paper, she looked back at Carmilla.

“Hurry up and open it, I’ve gotta go to work,” Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“You still have to work? Christmas is like, three days away!”

She shrugged, “It’s one of our busiest weeks.”

Laura pouted and tore the box open, there were a couple small things wrapped inside. She pulled out a long package, she glanced at Carmilla uncertainly.

“It’s not anything inappropriate, cutie.”

Laura took a deep breath before tearing the paper. It was a pair of socks, that listed "the banned books" , Laura beamed.

“You always complain about your feet being cold so,”

The next present was a new journal with black cats all over. Carmilla said she had found it after Halloween and that it reminded her of Blue but she never got around to using it. Laura ended up with a new book on philosophy, a new mouse, and Taylor Swift picks that Carmilla ordered when Danny told her to stock the shop.

“I’d figured you played ukulele or something, they’re perfect for your size.” Carmilla grinned.

Laura glared, “I’ll let you know, I actually played bass drum in high school.”

Carmilla burst out laughing, “I’ll pay to see a picture of that. And of course you’re a band geek.”

“You were the one with a punk band.”

“At least _I_ was cool.”

Laura glared and picked up the last thing in the box, it was slim and more carefully wrapped than the others. Carmilla started to blush as Laura opened it. After pulling off the bubble wrap, Laura was met with a sleek frame with a drawing of her and Carm. It was one of her favorite fan arts she had found over the past couple weeks; Carmilla was playing guitar and smiling while Laura watched.

“Oh my god, Carm!” Laura squealed and held the frame to her chest, “How did you even get a print?”

She shrugged and smiled, “I just messaged the artist and asked for a copy, I’m pretty sure that’s the original. They seemed pretty happy to please.”

“I’m gonna put it on my nightstand.” Laura said while running towards the back of her room.

“I really gotta go now, cutie. I’ll see you later.”

Laura nodded, “I L- I’ll see ya!”

She waved and Carmilla smirked before hanging up. Laura nervously ran her hand through her hair, that was close.

* * *

 

_**@Heycarmilla:** Here’s the new video everyone is bugging me about: www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZMd55_MK_Y_

_**@Laura2theletter: @heycarmilla** well finally._

_**@Heycarmilla: @Laura2theletter:** Your videos always come first, Cutie._

_**@Laura2theletter: @heycarmilla** speaking of my videos, don't you have something to edit?_

* * *

Her words repeated through Carmilla’s mind as she paced her room.

_Dammit, just admit it, Laura, you care more than you thought._

They had started doing videos more often for Laura’s viewers, also Carmilla’s but they were mostly the same people. Carmilla was editing the most recent one. It was answering questions from viewers. Most of them were totally inappropriate for asking a stranger, but Laura made her answer them anyways. She always watched all the way through the videos because Laura said some stupid stuff whenever she would forget to turn off the camera or before she started the actual video and Carmilla would put it after the credits.

This was something completely different though.

Laura had waved and hung up with Carmilla. Right after she tried to turn off the camera, she slumped over and yelled “Worst Crush Ever.” And started to criticize herself on why not just admit it. Carmilla knew there was something there, she never really wanted to think that Laura would actually think about it. Much less think about acting on it. She trusted Laura, of course, but panicking when something more than friendship was involved sent Carmilla into a panic. She wanted more than just flirting and talking 24/7 but there were so many variables involved.

Like distance.

Her least favorite word for the last seven months. Whenever someone would talk about it, she couldn’t help but think of Laura. She worried about what happened and what could happen. Some nights she really wanted Laura to be there, just to give her a hug because she was stressed about all the art and codes she needed to finish. To tell her to get her sleeping schedule in order because you shouldn’t have to stay up half the night to figure out what happened to the person you cared about.

Carmilla sat back down and held her head in her hands before deciding to go just finish the video and pretend nothing happened. She didn’t see or hear anything out of the normal. It was just Laura. Just Laura.

* * *

 

“Okay, what’s wrong Carmilla?” Laura asked, Carmilla had been really quiet. No sighing or eye rolling. Just staring behind the camera.

Carmilla snapped out of her daydream, “Oh. Nothing. Just haven’t slept well he last few nights.”

Laura shrugged, “Whatever then.”

She swore she heard Carmilla almost say something before she yawned. She looked tired, slouching, there were bags under her eyes.

“Can’t you just tell me?”

“I’ve got to keep some air of mystery, don’t I?”

Laura glared, “Not when you look like you haven’t slept for a week.”

“It feels like I haven’t,”

“What happened?”

She shrugged, “Nothing.”

“Stop lying.”

Carmilla furrowed her eyebrows, “I’m not lying. Maybe if I didn’t half to stay up half the night, I’d sleep a little better.”

“So you’re blaming it on me?” Laura clenched her fist, “What the hell did I do?”

“That’s not what I meant, La-”

“It sure sounds like that’s what you meant,”

She snapped, “Maybe it is, but I don’t see you sacrificing yourself to talk to me.”

“What does that mean? I talk to you hours on end everyday.”

“I just feel like I’m the only one who cares,”

“Jesus, Carmilla, I care about you. I’m sorry my job requires me to wake up at normal human hours instead of just sleeping in all the time.”

There was the beeping of the Skype call ending and Laura got a message from Carm.

_**Big_blk_Cat:** I’m sorry, I had to go before I said something stupid._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to "Steve" who yelled at me through the phone to write and correct myself.
> 
>  
> 
> [boop](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


	8. Like Indecision to Call You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trying to figure it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise (hopefully i can keep it) the next chapter will be longer so yeah sorry this is short but look an update.

Laura has never felt like more of a mess. Without Carmilla; she realized that there were gaps in her day where she would be talking to her in some form. She was constantly checking her phone now. Carmilla called her after they fought, where Laura wished she said what was on her mind, and told her it would be strictly work. Laura didn’t disagree, but there was a tension even over emails. She didn’t want to cut Carm of money because she knew she needed it, but she wished she could read emotion off of her emails, because to her there was a lack of feelings.

She felt terrible for what she had said to Carmilla. Looking back on it now, she only put forth a quarter of the effort into their friendship. She never did sacrifice her sleeping schedule but for an hour or so. Laura wished she could just make her feelings disappear, or at least stay in the happy oblivion she had been in. It had only been a week and a half and Laura felt like there was something missing. It left her chest empty and yearning for something.

She finished lunch early and was wasting time on the Internet. After checking tweets (which was a large amount of “What happen to you and Carmilla?”) and tumblr; she checked youtube. A couple people uploaded but Carmilla’s channel caught her eye. She rarely updated, only if someone was pressuring her too. Laura clicked play, what could it hurt?

~~~

“Carmilla you’ve been moping around for the past week now. Why can’t you just talk to her?” Danny asked. She was taking inventory in the back while Carmilla sat at the front desk, feet propped up and an old book in her hands.

She turned around, “Who said anything about moping, Xena?”

Danny walked back in the main room and gave her a look, “You usually have your head stuck in a phone when you have a break and you only read The Outsiders when you’re pissed or sad.”

Carmilla shrugged, “Things happen.”

“I don’t wanna see you brush it off and end up hurting yourself again.”

“I’m a big girl, Danny,” She snapped, “I can take of myself. Plus, who would want to see me stress out about a girl who lives on the other side of the country? I and I’m sure you don’t.”

The taller girl threw her hands up, “I didn’t say go date her, just talk to her. You both need to figure it out.”

Carmilla just sighed and tried to start reading again, but her mind was buzzing with ideas.

~~~

Carmilla took a deep breath before looking at the camera with a pained expression, “Okay, look. Here’s my apology in the ‘You might never talk to me again’ sorta way. So, Laura, I’m sorry for freaking out.”

Laura had to pause the video and look around the diner she was at, trying to calm herself down. Carmilla started to play guitar again and sing.

_Hello there, the angel from my nightmare._

_The shadow in the background of the morgue._

_The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley._

~~~

She looked at Lafontaine with a pained expression before going over her plan again,

“Okay, just say your sorry, sing, and say goodbye,” Carmilla groaned, “I hate this plan.”

“It’s the best we’ve got, unless you get the guts to just call her.” They shrugged.

~~~

Carmilla paused in strumming for a moment. She just looked out the window before starting again.

_Where are you? And I’m so sorry._

_I cannot sleep, I cannot sleep tonight._

_I need somebody and always._

_This sick strange darkness comes creeping in so haunting every time._

_And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders,_

_Catching things and eating there insides._

Carmilla smirked as she sang the next line.

_Like indecision to call you and here your voice of treason._

_Won’t you come home and stop this pain tonight?_

_Stop this pain tonight._

She sang through the chorus again and put down the guitar. She looked behind the camera and sighed.

“Look, I’m sorry. I freak out at every mention of a relationship and every mention of liking… and loving. But I do care about you, Laura. I really do. Just give me time to process. Let me figure out what I want and need and how I can make us both happy. ‘Cause I know how you have everything planned and how you need everything,” She paused, “Just call me when you finally look at this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song- I miss you - blink 182
> 
> Also today's episode? I wanted to eat a pillow. I just now noticed how i tend to upload after something big happens.
> 
> [boop boop](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


	9. I didn't want too.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> videos and some points.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes, i'm back.
> 
> GO BACK AND READ THE CHAPTERS IF YOU'VE BEEN READING THIS BECAUSE I DID SOME REALLY HEAVY EDITS (or what i consider)
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: drugs, alcohol, substance abuse, death/mentions of death, 
> 
> i hope you enjoy :)

Laura was checking her emails when she first got the video from Carmilla. They haven’t talked; they just sent each other what they asked and payed for. They did what they had been originally told to do. She didn’t pay any attention when she opened the video either, figuring it was one of hers.

And it wasn’t.

* * *

Carmilla was sitting in front of the camera, looking absolutely exhausted.  She kept sighing and looking around. Her guitar was sitting behind her and someone was talking behind the camera.

 “Just act like, I’m Laura.”

 “Laura’s probably half your height.”

 “Just do it.”

 Carmilla chuckled and shook her head, then focused back on the camera.

 “Okay, I’m not one for dramatic goodbyes. Goodbyes at all. I just, I need you to know, I’ll be alright wither you choose to talk to me or hate me. I think that you think you know me and have me figured out. Honestly, I don’t have myself figured out. So, I’m just going to say I’m sorry but I can’t change how I’m going to act and what I’ve done because I can’t fall in love. I don’t want to. Yet here I am.”

She shook her head, “I don’t even know what I’m saying at this point. If you wanna figure out who I really am, keep watching and then come to me to ask questions.”

 

* * *

 

The next video looked like it had been pulled from a VHS; low quality video and a unsteady camera. It had a time stamp that said 01/10/09. Laura wasn’t sure if it was suppose to be there because that’s just how Carmilla is or if she couldn’t afford a better camera at the time. There was yelling and a strum of a guitar. There was a static noise whenever it got to loud. The camera kept refocusing on a stage, blurring on and off. A light turned on and Carmilla appeared, she standing in front of the mic stand; her guitar hung off her shoulders. She had bangs, she was a lot smaller, her eyes were a little more sunken in and her cheekbones a little more prominent. She was still wearing all black, her jeans and the sleeves of her shirt were torn and frayed.

She smiled dopely and leaned into the microphone, “Heeeey…”

The small crowd responded, it looked like she was in some type of punk club or fight club. The drums picked up a quicker beat. She bobbed her head to the beat and started to play the guitar to it. When the bass started up, she leaned towards the mic.

“So I’m Mircalla and these are my red-heads,” She gestured behind her, “I’m pretty sure most of us in here are fucked up, but before I start, I’d like to say thanks to _this_ beautiful girl.”

The camera focused on the blonde in the sitting on the edge of the stage, she rolled her eyes and waved. She looked a little better kept than Carmilla. Her clothes where a little more casual. Though, she was thinner and paler than Carmilla. Her hair fell around her face when she blew Carmilla a kiss and the crowd basically exploded.

“She’s the one who got us here. So thanks Ell…”

The video shut off just as the first song began and Laura’s stomach sunk.

* * *

The next clip was of Carmilla and Ell sitting on a couch. Anyone could tell Ell was a couple years older than Carmilla; or whatever she was taking made her look like a twenty two year old instead of nineteen. Lafontaine was making fun of their snuggling. There was shouting outside the door and someone tumbled in with a couple bottles, giving them out before leaving.

Laura could barely hear what anyone was saying with the thumping of music going on the background.

Ell nudged Carmilla, “Do the trick.”

“No.” Carmilla groaned, she set the bottle against the arm of the couch and cuddled closer to her. Ell nipped at her ear and whispered something; the singer smirked and sat up.

“Where’s that crappy demo?”

Someone tossed a CD at her, which she caught smoothly, even if she did look like she was about to collapse. Laura didn’t want to think about how she was an alternate performer at the time and probably wasn’t using her money on the stuff she should really be buying.

Still, she took the bottle and whacked the top of it with the CD a couple times. It popped of and some of the beer spilled onto the floor. Laura could only imagine how stale the place smelled. Everyone in the room cheered and Danny, who was behind the camera took the beer out of her hands before Carmilla spilled anymore. She gave the camera to someone and took a sip of it and announced it tasted like water. Laura couldn’t really tell what went on after it. The video was shaky because the camera was passed around and people were shouting. She’s pretty sure she could make Carmilla singing Out Tonight, though.

After a couple more minutes and a case of motion sickness, Danny took the camera again.

“Alright, time to get out of here. I’m sure _some of us,"_ The camera swung around to Carmilla and Ell, “Have better things to do.”

There was the faint sound of sirens when the video cut off.

* * *

The next video looked like it was made in an old motel. Ell set the camera on a dresser or table of sorts and pointed behind her; to where Carmilla was asleep, and put a finger over her mouth as if she was telling someone to be quiet. She snuck around and out of frame and came back in, closer to Carmilla, with a bottle of whipped cream.

Laura couldn't help but giggle when she started to spray into her hand and turn back to the camera and give it a thumbs up. Ell ran her fingers down Carmilla's ribs and pinched at her cheeks. Carmilla tried to fend her off but gave up when Ell started to whine her name. She sat up, and on cue she ran her hand over her face. She paused mid-way through and turned to Ell, who looked like she was about to burst from laughter. Carmilla simply grabbed her and and said,

"Wouldn't you just love to give me some good morning kisses?"

Ell tried to pull away, even though she already had whipped cream all down her arm from where Carmilla was trying too pull her on the bed.

“Kitty!” She shouted before giving in. Carmilla smeared the rest of the cream in her hand on Ell’s jaw and tried to get whatever was on her face onto the blonde. They kissed for a couple more moments before Carmilla started to giggle. Ell pulled back, she slapped Carmilla’s arm and then gave her a kiss on the nose.

* * *

 

The video shut off again and faded into what appeared to Central Park. Ell was walking beside the camera with a small smile. She wasn’t wearing much more than a light coat even though it looked like there was a foot of snow. It was better quality than the last one, maybe made early 2010 or 11. The girl was laughing and Carmilla was chuckling behind the camera. She zoomed in on their hands, which were intertwined and Ell started to talk about how much of a sap she was. They bickered back and forth and Carmilla started talking over her.

“So what are we about to do?”

Ell glanced over again and looked pointedly at the camera, “About to go to your _most favorite place in the world.”_

The video shook a little bit, “What for?”

“My birthday and a surprise.”

Carmilla chuckled, “Because someone has been begging for another since the day we’ve met.”

They filmed Carmilla having conversations and setting up when they first got to the coffee shop. Ell had her arm wrapped around her waist in most of the videos. Apparently Carmilla must take her guitar every where, because when she went on stage and started to set and tune up; Ell looked surprised. Carmilla looked so natural sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage, tuning her acoustic and smirking at the crowd. Danny was sitting on a box drum, drum pad? Laura didn’t really know but apparently Lafontaine and Danny switch instruments because Lafontaine was sitting in the back with an acoustic. They were playing something while Danny tried to keep up on the box. She looked ridiculous because she was basically leaned over.

The camera panned over the crowd. There were quite a few people, Laura noted, they all looked like college kids. Carmilla smirked towards the camera before she played a chord.

“I’m playing acoustic today because it’s my girl’s special day.”

They cheered, as if there’s one of those _“Cheer now”_ signs.

“So I let her create the set list. Or, I asked her what her favorite song was. Of course, there were two.”

Lafontaine picked up the strumming of what Laura recognized as Patience. Danny started to whistle and Carmilla picked her guitar and mumbled into the microphone,

“Sorry, I can’t whistle for shit. And she has nothing to do.”

Danny rolled her eyes. They played the intro a little longer before Carmilla started to sing,

_Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you_

_I'm still alright to smile_

_Girl, I think about you every day now_

_She smirked and looked out to the crowd again, Laura assumed it was to Ell. She focused back on her guitar before picking up the verse again,_

_Was a time when I wasn't sure_

_But you set my mind at ease_

_There is no doubt_

_You're in my heart now_

It was unusually slow for Carmilla. Granted, Laura only heard her play acoustic in one of her videos and when she used to call her at night. They were still moderate songs; they were just acoustic covers. Never originally acoustic, or as far as she knew, they were usually played fast too.

She finished the song without effort, like she was to focused on something else. Or someone. The crowd whooped at the end; someone was a little louder than everyone else. Carmilla smiled crookedly, took a sip of her water and set down her guitar down. Danny was playing the drum mindlessly and Lafontaine was waving at someone. Carmilla cleared her throat and looked behind her, her bandmates sighed and readjusted their mics and shared a look before nodding.

Carmilla ran her hand though her hair and said, “I’m gonna let Laf take this one over, cause I’m not that coordinated, or I didn’t learn it quick enough, to sing and play this. Um, this is Soldier’s Poem; Muse.”

Danny started the intro , as she started, the guitar played in smoothly. Then Carmilla,

_Throw it all away,_

_Let's lose ourselves._

_'Cause there's no one left for us to blame,_

_It's a shame we're all dying._

_And do you think you deserve your freedom?_

Danny and Lafontaine started to harmonize with her,

_How could you send us so far away from home?_

_When you know damn well that this is wrong._

_I would still lay down my life for you._

_And do you think you deserve your freedom?_

_No I don't think you do._

_There's no justice in the world._

Carmilla was leaning away from her stool and close to the microphone now, as she hit the higher notes her mouth brushed against the mic a couple times.

_There's no justice in the world,_

_And there never was._

She open her eyes slowly and smirked, “Thank you.”

* * *

The next video, Carmilla was sitting on the edge of a curb. She was to focused on her guitar to notice the people around her, they were tipping her open case while she played some riffs.

Laura was pretty sure that was the worst she’s seen her. The only thing that looked decent was the guitar, and it was pretty beat up. She looked like she was drunk and high and that looked like she belonged in a rehab instead of entertaining groupies on the street. She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt and torn up jeans, as far as Laura could gather, she had been living off her tips and on the street. It didn’t look like New York either. If it was, Laura had never been there.

Ell walked out of the ally behind her and tumbled onto Carmilla’s back. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and whispered something before dropping like a ragdoll. People around them started to laugh, probably assuming she was just drunk out of her mind, and spread out because Carmilla had stopped playing.

Instead of laughing with them; she froze, then Carmilla practically threw her guitar down and flipped Ell on her back and shoved her shoulders and slapped her face, trying to get Ell to wake up. The person holding the phone dropped it and ran over. They started to yell about calling an ambulance, the last thing Laura heard was Carmilla yelling something along the lines of you can’t leave me now.

* * *

Laura decided to call Carmilla exactly ten minutes after the video ended. She wanted to know what it meant. Why she was finally finding out everything Carmilla did. Why she was just now finding out about the drugs and the apparent overdose. She wanted to just figure it out. Why Carmilla left in the first place, why she was so desperate to get Laura back. How it ended up like this. How Laura felt like she needed Carmilla more than anything else in the world, just for right now. Everything would be alright if Carmilla was sitting on Laura’s bed instead of her own.

Even though Laura already knew. She could figure these out easily; she still felt like she didn’t know enough. Or she wouldn’t figure it out quick enough. She wanted to hear Carmilla say it. Say what everything meant.

It took a couple calls until Carmilla picked up, looking tired and confused. Most of it probably because it was one in the morning there.

“Hey!”

“Cupcake.”

“Carmilla.” Laura looked around awkwardly, she didn’t know how to start it all. Even though she already knew what she needed, “How’ve you been?”

She smiled tightly, “Oh, just grand.”

“Oh, well that’s good. I guess.”

Carmilla shrugged.

“So I watched your video.”

_“And?”_

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I gave you what you wanted, didn’t I?” Carmilla looked pissed. Maybe broken too, “A reason for me to be the way I am? I dug through my past, I finally lost my air of mystery for you. Is that not what you wanted?”

Laura glared at her, “Just because you think you’ve grown up and gave me what I wanted doesn’t mean you can crawl back to me.”

“Crawl back to you? Laura, I was the one who tried to talk to you months ago. I was the one who begged you to say something. And you’re the one who called me; you’re the one who said we needed to talk long ago. You can’t blame this all on me.”

“Life isn’t a musical, you can’t sing yourself out of your problems.”

Carmilla knew what Laura was doing, she was trying to defend herself. The only way she knew how was to try to get the blame of herself.

“I can try,” Carmilla shrugged again, she took a deep breath, “Look, I just wanted to figure out what I felt before I did this whole feeling thing. Because I’m not the most typical relationship you could have.”

“It didn’t mean you had to leave.”

Carmilla knew what she meant when she said it. She knew that everything she had done in the past two months were terrible, but she couldn’t help it. It was her defense to go run and hide.

“Sorry. I didn’t want to.”

Laura sighed, “And that’s the thing. You could’ve stayed and we could’ve worked this out. Instead we both got mad and avoided each other until we needed each other.”

“I’ve gotta hell of a lot of baggage, Laura. I’m terrible at carrying it too.” Carmilla explained, “I gave you what I could. What I trusted you with. I dug through old files I planned on never looking at again to show you what made me run.”

“What did you do to yourself?” Laura looked down as she said it, hoping Carmilla would just ignore it.

She shook her head, “It started with cigarettes and cheap beer. Then it became weed and whiskey. Before we ran off, it was whatever we could get my hands on. After she, you know, od-ed, I didn’t care how heavy or light it was. I just wanted to forget.

“Which is funny, because every time I had a high, I saw and thought of her. I don’t know why I thought that would help; maybe it was the stories I heard, that it will help you forget. And I did have friends and I have family but I felt like I could fix myself. So I ran off, I kept doing what Ell and I planned. Then I got stuck. When Danny finally figured out where I was, and got here, she put me through hell. I was sick and she didn’t care. At least that’s what I thought. I would have withdraws and couldn’t handle it. I didn’t really do anything but run fevers and sleep for six months.

“I changed every aspect of myself for a girl who died because of what she did. And what she did was what I was becoming. As numb as I wanted to feel, I never wanted to be dead.”

Laura was crying. Carmilla hated to see her cry. Especially when it was her fault. Some part of her wished that Laura hated her, for running away, because she didn’t want to mess whatever they were going to be up. Laura wouldn’t have to hear the sob story. She didn’t want Laura to make any high expectations because everything she had that made her happy; made her sad now.

Carmilla stared blankly at the screen, waiting on Laura to say something. Because this silence was way to loud.

“What happened after the video ended? The last one?” She snuffled.

Carmilla shook her head, “No one called the police, they didn’t want to get in trouble. I didn’t have a phone at the time. We were traveling the states. We were starting our great adventure. Mid-way through, we lost everything we had. I don’t remember where we were, I barely remember anything from those couple months, but the car we bought and everything we had was in it was stolen. I had my guitar, I was playing a set at my friend’s place because we could use some extra cash.

“It went downhill from there. We got a taxi and asked him to take us to the best city he could. Then, we got stuck there. I was trying to make money off of playing and Ell was trying to get a waitressing job because the tips I got wasn’t enough. Paying for the motel room was expensive. We went through the cash quick. Neither of use wanted to sell the car, it wasn’t worth anything anyways. Soon, we were living out of it and whatever we made, we used to get high. I never saw myself being a junkie.”

Laura sounded like she was about to say something, but just stopped and nodded for Carmilla to continue.

“Anyway, the video was from the guy who tried to help. He ran off though, as soon as he learned what she had done. He said he couldn’t afford spending time again. I just- I just left her there. I took that guys phone and I just fucking ran.”

Carmilla had to take a few breaths before continuing, tears were falling down her face, “I took her necklace and bracelet, I took the dope she had on her, I took the few bucks, kissed her one last time, and took off. When I got somewhere safe and far away, I called her parents, told them something had happened and where she was. Then I called Mattie, asked her to transfer whatever she could from Maman’s account into mine and said I was okay. When I got 5k in my account, I turned of the phone and bought the first ticket to France. I turned on the phone to get that video last night.”

Laura nodded, “And now you’re here.”

“Now I’m here.” She nodded, she pulled the chain from under her shirt, “I still have the necklace. An anchor.”

Then, she lifted her shirt to where Laura could see the tattoos running up her stomach and her side. There was a universe, what Laura made out to be the milky way, instead of color for the branches swirling off; they were lyrics. Only a couple of the swirls were full.

“I started this when I turned twenty. It’s obviously not finished.”

Carmilla spoke softly and quietly, her voice was barely over a whisper,

"The last thing she said to me was, _Look at the stars, Kitty. I'll be up there with them too. 'Cause you love 'em so much. Just like me."_

“Carmilla,” Laura said sweetly, “I don’t care what you’ve done. I only care about how you feel. About what you are okay with. You loved Ell, I get it. We’ve all had ruined loves. I just want to know why. Why you feel like sending me all of that. Having to go through it all again.”

“I wanted to prove to you I’m not the hero you think I am.”

It was silent. No one was sniffling or explaining. It was the moment everything came together.

“Laura,” Carmilla said desperately, “I can tell you more. Right now. Just stay one more night, just talk to me one more time. I’ll tell all of it to you.”

Laura never planned on leaving. She never wanted to again. Not with Carmilla like this; she never wanted to leave Carmilla again. They’ve gotten this far. They can make it a little farther. Far enough to be happy again.

“I’m staying. I am not leaving,” She said it stubbornly.

“Okay.”

They were quiet again. Everything she had told Laura was seeping through; all of the emotions Carmilla must’ve felt and all pain she’s going through to tell her more.

“I don’t need to know anymore, Carmilla.” She said, “I understand.”

She scoffed, “Sure.”

Another silence.

“Whatever is on your mind, or what you’ve done; what’s the probability of scaring a badass like me?” Carmilla said, trying to be open.

“I wanna make you forget you ever felt like this. I know it sounds stupid because I’ve never been in pain the way you have. I still know what it is like. To loose someone you love in the hardest parts of your life. I didn’t have the same highs or lows as you did. I went through the same emotional hell. I felt like it was my fault, like it was someone else’s, instead of running; I just pushed myself even harder. I did what I needed to do to get through. I put the blame on someone else.

“Carmilla, I was living on the streets at one point. I didn’t have anything. I was kicked out and I just didn’t accept help because it would hurt my pride. It would bring all the pain back up because I learned to get where and what I needed on my own.

“When Kirsch took me in, I went through hell all over again. I stopped because I thought I was going to loose him too. Because everyone I depended on died at the hardest parts for me. I couldn’t get a job. Companies didn’t like my writing. So I just laid around for days on end. Until Kirsch basically said he wasn’t going to keep me around unless I try. He said I never would fit into standards because I wanted to give what the people wanted, not what the companies needed.

“I don’t know what happened. It all just clicked. When I released my twentieth post or so, I blew up. People wanted more. They wanted to know why the girl was missing and why nothing was being done or why were someone is hiding secrets. Soon, companies were sending me letters and emails; begging me to work for them. I didn’t. I just sent them what I thought wasn’t important. I sent them the things they would dry up and give nothing but the source.”

Laura shrugged, “I could easily move out. I could live on my own comfortably. I think I accepted that I deserve someone. Someone who could push me on and tell me I will do it. Someone who could help me.”

“That’s the thing, Laura,” Carmilla started, “I’m not what you deserve. I don’t want you to loose that. Where you just accept what comes and goes, where you don’t fight for what you want. You can’t afford to loose that part of you.”

“Just because that isn’t what you are, doesn’t mean I don’t need you. It doesn’t mean I can’t love you.”

It was said. Laura said it; the word that could change everything at this moment. It’s the butterfly effect.

“I’m not easy though.”

“I’ve figured that out,” Laura was tired, “I don’t care how hard it is. I will love you.”

“I,” Carmilla closed her eyes and took a deep breath, for a second, Laura thought for the worst.

“I love you too, Laura. I really do. I just don’t know if I can do this.”

“That’s where this thing comes in called talking and acting hopelessly in love.”

They both laughed and decided that they will be okay. That everything will be okay at some point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so unrealistic. I don't reccomend sending the person you wanna get back with videos of your ex and you and then the video of them dying (or do I? [don't do it])
> 
> The reasons it took me so long to write this:
> 
> 1) School just got really busy and as much as i love you and this i care about school a lot.  
> 2) It was really hard to write. I mean, after i wrote the first part (The videos, i write my chapters in sections), I went to talk to my mom and she told me an old friend (or something along those lines) OD bc of heroin. Don't do hardcore drugs man.  
> 3) I kept getting lazy bc I was really worn out with writing.
> 
> I'm sure i could make like 100 more excuses but those are the big three. So i hope you enjoyed. I'm planning on updating on Sundays but who knows.
> 
>   [here's my writing tumblr where you can bother me about this and other stuff (prompts or request or lil things for this [I have so many headcanons come discuss])](https://www.odekarnstein.tumblr.com)
> 
>   [where you can watch me complain about carmilla and life ](https://www.carmxllakarnstexn.tumblr.com)
> 
>   [Soldier's Poem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMYAATQDOEQ)
> 
>   [Patience](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc)
> 
>  Also thanks to [ Anna ](https://www.turtleinarockingchair.tumblr.com) who helped get me to write and with the songs and who told me to fight someone who had a similar fanfic. (She hasn't watched carmilla yet but she plans to over thanksgiving and she's my best friend so i reccomend go following her for memes)
> 
> After a very long note, thanks for reading!


	10. It's okay, Cupcake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> airplanes and tattoos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a sweet ending

It took Carmilla three months to respond to her sister’s phone call. Two months to be convinced to buy the plane tickets; and ten minutes to walk into Laura Hollis’ apartment. It took her three minutes to actually walk into her bedroom.

She wasn’t sure if it was just the jet lag, but it all felt like a dream when Laura turned around and it was slow motion when Laura jumped into her arms and held her for the first time. Carmilla wrapped her arms around her back and basically picked her up because Laura was in her arms. She didn’t want to let go. Not after all that they’ve been through. She always promised Laura that she would get here one day. Carmilla didn’t expect it to be so soon. She gripped Laura a little tighter.

But Laura leaned back,

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

She blushed, “I really sorry I just ran into you like that but _you’re here_ and I-”

Carmilla cut her off with a kiss because, even though she loves Laura’s rambling, she’s been dreaming of her lips for the past six months. Laura pulls back and grins before pulling her close again. Everything is soft and gentle and they aren’t sure they could be happier.

Laura pulls back again and giggles, “You know what?”

Carmilla hums.

“I’ve got it all on video.”

* * *

 

They went out for Laura’s birthday. Kirsch and Lafontaine hit it off and Laura and Carmilla discover that not only does Laf and Perry know each other, but that Parry is dating Carmilla’s sister, Matska Belmonde.

_“You are not paying anything to night. My little sister is back and it’s her girl’s night, everything is on me.” Mattie says as they enter the bar._

Which means they’re both drunk by the end of the night and Carmilla sounds more like a Parisian than a New Yorker when she’s whispering in Laura’s ear. Everyone in the elevator, mostly their friends, stood around awkwardly while she did so. Laura blushed at her words and at Perry and Kirsch just giving her looks. They were totally different looks though. Kirsch’s was more pride and Perry’s was more embarrassment. Laura wasn’t sure if it was because Mattie was standing next to her or if it was that the next door neighbor was standing in the corner.

Really it didn't matter as long as Carmilla would actually do what she's promising.

* * *

 

It wasn’t fast like she expected.It was sweet and slow and every touch was an “I’m here.”

It’s Carmilla whining her name and calling her a tease when Laura’s just so amazed by how beautiful Carmilla is. It’s how she is so predictable with what she’ll say and do. She discovers the half note on her thigh and Carm whispers how Ell had one too, Laura just smiles and kisses it. It was obviously a pin and prick. Then her whole body quivers when Laura touches her. She mewls and pulls Laura up and grasps at her back, to the point where she is sure there are marks, when Laura finally stops teasing. The way she moans and moves is just enchanting and it keeps them both in a haze when Carmilla flips them over.

Then Carmilla kissing every inch of her body and whispering about how beautiful she is and how she outshines any star. She tells Laura how long she’s waited for this night and that it’s so much better than she could ever expect. When she gets to her center, she might as well be in some sort of wonderland. Carmilla knows what she’s doing and is not afraid to prove it.

Everything is bliss.

Laura falls in love all over again as she is exploring Carmilla Not in a sexual way. She traces her fingers along the tattoo on her back and the scars hidden behind the thick lines. Then she nudges Carmilla to flip over. She kisses all the marks and hickeys that are left from what feels like only moments ago and the girl under her sits up as Laura runs her fingers over her arms and Carmilla lets out that sound that's similar to a purr.

Laura runs her fingers over her wrist then up to her fingertips where they are calloused and sliced from playing guitar so long. She’s soon running her fingers over Carmilla’s stomach and starts to read her tattoo. Most of the lyrics are songs she’s never heard before and Laura isn’t that surprised. Carmilla hums when she reads the ones curled closest to the center of the universe. It’s funny because they’re all old love songs, the ones that were written for wives and unquieted loves.

_“You were homemade mashed potatoes, biscuits, and gravy. You were too good.”_ This is the first one to make her laugh. 

“I was drunk and had just gotten out of their concert. Honestly, I don’t see how you find that ridiculous; it woos all the ladies.” Carmilla explains.

Laura shook her head and read another lyric, _“In between the moon and you, the Angels get a better view of wrong and right.”_  

“That's what Danny decided I needed.”

Laura smiled, “When are you going to get my favorite lyric?”

“Whenever you want,” Carmilla said, “but you have to get a tattoo too.”

They stay silent for a moment. Like it was too much.

“Okay. But which one is your favorite?”

“The one that goes around my belly button,” She grumbled.

_“Breathe out so I can breathe you in. Oh, be still my bleeding heart.”_  

“I’m not a fan of the Foo Fighters, but that lyric is the one that should be tattooed, right?”

Laura hums and continues to read.

“How many lyrics are there?”

Carmilla sighs, “I think it’s sixteen. It’s planned for twenty-ish.”

Then Laura starts to count them. She knows there are sixteen but she doesn’t want to pass up the chance to touch Carmilla again.

“There are sixteen. And I’ve found my favorite.”

“Oh god.”

_“I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight”_  

“My Chemical Romance.”

Laura laughs, “I didn’t know you were that person.”

“It’s a good song and band. Plus Gerard Way tweets about aliens all the time.” Carmilla shrugs.

“ _I want to believe,_ ” Laura mocks.

* * *

 

“Carm.” Laura whined, “C’mon, you’re taking all the blankets.”

“Mmph.”

Laura just sighed and scooted closer to her since she left her no other choice. She wrapped her arms around her waist and tried to pull her away from the edge of the bed. So if she did try to pull away, she didn’t end up on the floor. Though, it probably wasn’t going to happen since Carmilla happily scooted back into her. Laura kissed the top of the wing on her back and mumbled,

“Wing tattoos are so stereotypical.”

Carmilla just grumbled again.

* * *

The next day, Laura pulled out her smaller camera before Carmilla woke up. She had plans other than laying in bed all day, unlike Carmilla. There was one thing she had in mind before she left back for France for who knows how long. It’s actually Perry who convinces Laura to go to the tattoo parlor. But before they can go, there’s the challenge of getting Carmilla to get up out of bed and dressed. Then getting her out of the apartment and to the restaurant where Laura plans on telling her what they are going to do.

So Laura sets the camera on her desk, where you could make out the ball of black that is Carmilla in the back round. She then points out of frame with clothes. She quickly changes and brushes her hair and teeth in the bathroom and when she walks back in; her girlfriend is spread eagle in the bed.

Laura walked over and starts to kiss Carmilla’s jaw and neck. At first, she tries to brush her off and mumbles something along the lines of “Blue”. It takes a couple more minutes before she slightly wakes up, and Laura is actually just sitting on her lap and poking her.

“No.”

Laura laughs, “C’mon. It’s twelve and I want waffles.”

* * *

Carmilla takes the news well over waffles. Laura is glad she brought her camera because now she could see Carm beam like that whenever she wanted. Even though, it wouldn’t have the same effect through video. Still, when she told Carmilla what she wanted to get and what lyric she wanted to choose for her; she agreed excitedly. With Mattie’s help, who has become a lot more tolerant of Laura since most of the things she has been doing is for Carmilla, told her where her little sister got her original tattoos.

They walk hand-and-hand to the place. It’s still chilly even though summer is around the corner and Carmilla throws her pull over on Laura’s shoulders, even with her objections. It all still feels like a dream she realizes. Being here with the girl she loves, even though there are so many scars and bad memories; Laura shines over them.

When they get to the shop, Laura squeezes her hand nervously,

“Do you want me to go first or you?” Carmilla asks.

“Uh, you?”

She just shakes her head and leads her in.

* * *

Of course he remembers Carmilla. So he hugs her and begs for the story of where she’s been for the three years. Carmilla gives him the quick ‘I needed to get away.’ Then introduces Laura.

The guy has piercings all over his face and tattoos all over his body from what Laura can tell. It ironic because his voice is actually really soft and high pitched; if her dad saw this, he’d be pulling her out of the building while spraying bear spray.

His name is James. He met Carm in high school and gave her the angel wing tattoo when she was still underage because he recognized her as the freshman in his show choir period. Laura jabs at her sides when he mentioned that she was in choir. He’s the one that came up with the idea of the universe and started it, before she left.

James leads them into the back and starts to prep. Carmilla winks when she pulls up her shirt and there are hickeys scattered all over her stomach and waist.

He starts to laugh, “It looks like you’re dating a vampire,”

“You should see me.” Laura states.

He starts the outline of the next spiral and asks what the next lyric is going to be. She’s to focused on how Carmilla isn’t even flinching to respond.

“Cupcake.”

“Oh! Um, _I'm yours, leave me never. The only time I feel alright is by your side.”_

“Nice one.”

“Thanks.”

It takes about an hour or so to outline and fill in the tattoo with color. Carmilla also asks if he can touch up and fill in the couple lyrics she got in France, so that takes about half an hour. Carmilla doesn’t talk much, probably because if she does she’ll move her stomach. Laura focuses on how Carmilla’s stomach tightens when James gets close to her ribcage or hip. She ends up laying her head next to Carm’s pillow and let’s her play with her hair. She’s pretty sure she falls asleep for a couple minutes.

Soon, Carmilla gets up and checks the tattoo out in her mirror. Then, it’s Laura’s turn.

They have clean all of Carmilla’s stuff up and start to prepare for Laura. When she lays down is when she has the real first pang of nerves. Carmilla is immediately by her side though. Laura is wincing before the gun is even touching her hip. She knew it was going to hurts but the sharp, itching pain is still a surprise. She squeezes Carmilla’s hand throughout it all and tries to think of how nice it will look when it’s done. Her girlfriend does help though. She tells Laura crappy jokes and how well she’s doing for a first-timer; then she makes jokes about how Laura is usually a screamer. She really wants to whack Carmilla by then.

* * *

When they get home an hour later, Laura is mesmerized by the tattoo and is stuck looking at in the mirror. It was a typewriter; it was made to look rusted and where the paper was suppose to be, there was blue, purple, and pink made to look like water. Laura brushes her fingers against it and smiles. There was another thing off her bucket list.

Carmilla comes up behind her and wraps her arms around her stomach, above the tattoo and kisses her shoulder, “I never liked the ‘vintage style’ but, it looks good on you.”

“You think _everything_ looks good on me.” Laura whispers.

Carmilla hums, “I would especially.”

Her hand starts to trail to a place downward. Laura mentally scolds herself for not telling her to stop but it feels way to good when her fingers brush against her cilt and she lets out a gasp.

“You know,” Carmilla says, nipping at Laura’s neck, “I think _you_ look better on me.”

“Carm, everyone is here.”

She chuckles, “Then you’ll have to learn how to be quiet.”

Laura groans again and half of it is because she is just annoying and the other is because Carm is putting pressure where she needs it. She grinds forward onto Carmilla’s hand and lets out another whine. She feels her smirk against her neck and Carmilla bites down at the junction of Laura’s neck and shoulder and slips her fingers inside her and curls them.

It doesn’t take long for Laura to come after that.

“What was that for?” She sighs.

Carmilla shrugs, “I just think tattoos are hot.”

* * *

Of course they have to make one video for Laura’s channel that isn’t just a vlog. Then Laura convinces Carmilla to make a video for her own too. She’s pretty sure they actually set up for two hours and just sit in front of the camera for three. They didn’t really plan much except to talk about their relationship and how it all played out. Laura says she’s going to put the clip of Carmilla surprising her in the video too. What she’s got though, is mostly making out and making fun of.

When Carmilla sets up her camera, she feels pretty useless without her guitar.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Laura had her head in her lap and was kissing where Carmilla shirt rode up. She looked up, “Just sing to me.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes and thought for a moment and was also trying to ignore where Laura is kissing really sensitive skin. She racks through her mental library of songs before finally deciding on the one.

_“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help, falling in love with you.”_ Carmilla notices how Laura stopped kissing her and was looking up a her.

_“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help, falling in love with you”_

Laura sits up and turns her back against the camera; Carmilla notices the tears in her eyes. She doesn’t really understand why. But she locks eyes with her and traces her jaw.

_“Like the river, flows surely to the sea. Darling, some things were meant to be. Oh.”_ She smirks at Laura when she holds the note.

_“Take my hand. Take my whole life too,”_ Carm moves closer, to where their noses are brushes and drops the last line to a whisper, “’Cause I can’t help, falling in love with you.”

Laura kisses her. She has her hands tangled in her hair and Carmilla wraps an arm around her back and pulls her to where she’s almost sitting in her lap. It’s sad but it’s also a promise. She has her. It’s a _‘I don’t want you to leave.’_

Carmilla still doesn’t understand what she’s done, but she’s happy to have Laura close. She feels her tears and leans back but Laura follows her into another kiss. When she’s finally crying to the point where she can only rest her head against Carmilla’s, she says,

“I hear you.”

* * *

It’s the second to last night in New York for Carmilla. She notices how Laura slowly pushes herself away and into her work a little more. Where she writes in the evenings instead of laying on the bed or couch with Carmilla. She figures it’s just because she’s behind or something along those lines. But when it gets to the point where Laura is not in bed in the morning, she knows something is up.

When she wakes up at two in the morning and Laura is sitting on the edge of the bed, Carmilla knows what happened. She sits up slowly and scoots forward. When she wraps her arm around her shoulder, Laura starts to sob more.

“Hey, hey. Laura.” She looks at her and Carmilla pushes stray hairs out of her face, “What happened?”

“Something happened to you and I couldn’t breath.”

Carmilla held her hands and leaned forward and kissed her.

“I’m here. I’ve always been.”

She pulled them back to where they were laying down and facing each other. Laura leaned forward and brushed her forehead against Carmilla’s then leaned down to kiss her. She wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her toward her. Their legs intertwined and Laura started to relax.

“You’re here.”

“I’ll be here as long as you want.”

Carmilla knows the promise isn’t going to last but another night. If Laura wants her with her, she’ll be there. It hurts to know it’s not physically. Especially after two weeks of being able to just touch her; she doesn’t know how long she’ll be able to stay gone. She plans it mentally.

If she could just loan some money from Mattie, pay off whatever debt she has in France, and move back. Move back to where she grew up and fell apart and now she felt like she finally had all her pieces together. That Laura was the last piece of her puzzle. And she knows it stupid to move back to New York for a girl, when that’s the reason she ran away. But it’s Laura Hollis.

The girl who steals hearts without really trying and she pushes through everything if it's something she really wants. It's the girl that's been through so much and knows too much but carries her world effortlessly on her shoulders. Even with what the night brings. She's the star that shone too bright in Carmilla's life and was now her sun.

The whole time she was going through this, she was humming. Everything I own. Laura had pushed herself against her chest to listen to the vibrations. She wonders if she can even make out the song.

_"You taught me how to love. What it's of, what it's of"_

_"You never said too much, but still you showed the way."_

_"And I knew from watching you, nobody else could ever know, the part of me that can't let go."_

“It’s okay, Cupcake,” She whispers, knowing Laura was asleep, “We made it this far. We’ll make it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> V abrupt ending because I felt like I was just going to wear it out if i kept it going any longer. I do plan on doing a little series of ideas I've had in another story and if any of you have ideas you could message me on my tumblr (linked at the bottom) This was never really supposed to get so much angst, I just got... carried away. Anyways, the next story I'm working on is a lot more fluff and less angst because with everything that happened in this and season two; you and hollstein need it. So yeah. Um here are the links because I'm bad at goodbyes (lol what):
> 
> the songs are in order of their lyrics appearance:
> 
> the feud, the front bottoms
> 
> round here, counting crows
> 
> everlong, foo fighters
> 
> early sunsets over monroeville, my chemical romance
> 
> all day and all of the night, kate nash/the kinks
> 
> i can't help falling in love with you, elvis/twenty one pilots (the cover i thought of while writing)
> 
> everything i own, bread
> 
>  
> 
> [my writing tumblr](http://www.odekarnstein.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [my main tumblr](http://www.carmxllakarnstexn.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you again for reading! It's been quite the journey with this. I do plan on writing more for this but it wouldn't be much. Anyways, I hope you stick around.

**Author's Note:**

> [come bug me or whatever](odekarnstein.tumblr.com)


End file.
